Come down... and waste away with me...

Sunday night blahs

2009-07-12T19:12:00.004-03:00

The weekend goes by way too fast, but at least this time I did something productive. My dad and I went up to Freddy last night to the stock car races. The final race was kind of disappointing, but I still enjoyed the trip :)

I always dislike this part of the week... it's the antithesis of the Friday afternoon high.

On the bright side, in the past couple weeks I saw my weight drop from 260 to 252. That's a good start, but from past experience I know there is a big drop off at the beginning.

Still looking for a full time employment opportunity.

Operation lose pounds... again.

2009-07-04T10:18:00.003-03:00

Man, where have I been? I went through the rigmarole of college and came out the other side with a little 8 1/2" x 11" piece of paper that says I know how to do basic accounting. I did graduate with honours... that's pretty cool. I think my final average was around 95 or 96. Not bad considering the top student grad in the entire college of 1000 or so students got a 97 average.

I'm not bragging.

I was never one of those students who got high marks in high school - that was my brother's thing. I was a C student. Not because of a lack of intelligence - just a lack of motivation... other things motivated me at the time.

Before I get off to a rambling rant I should get to the point of why I'm writing today. I had dropped to about 213 lbs by the time school started. Then our baby came and I got heavy into studying... the lethargic lifestyle and over eating has led to my weight ballooning. I did workout somewhat over the past winter and spring.... during one month i did about 26 aerobic sessions and saw no difference in my weight. That was really disheartening because I had watched my diet 6 days a week and drank water and did all the right things. Now, in fairness, I did see my body start to change from the weight work... but I honestly thought I would lose about 5 lbs in overall body weight.

So here goes. For about the umpteenth time in my life I'm going to try and shed the weight. I've had three major successful losses in the past.

1991 - I went from 223 to 178 in less than a year. My method? I stopped eating anything considered junk food. I ate three meals a day. If I wanted a snack it was cereal, but I rarely snacked. No exercise needed. Of course, I was a lot younger then... and my metabolism was more cooperative.

1995 - Ain't it funny how a breakup can inspire. I was probably up to the 225 mark again by the time I decided to get in shape. I figured I wasn't physically what she wanted and I'd prove her wrong - although she was my inspiration at first, that changed as I realized she was never going to be part of my life again. This time I ate properly, but added aerobics and a bit of weight training to my plan. I ended up under 190, and in the best shape of my life at the age of 26-27. I played basketball against 17 year olds and had more energy then they did.

2000 - 2001 - In 1998 I got married and wasn't really ready for it. I suppose I hadn't had enough independance to that point or even had a direction in my life. It was definitely one of those cases of 'it's not you, it's me'. Anyhow, I had gone through several bouts of severe depression and anxiety and my weight ballooned up to 260 by early 2001. By now the internet was in full swing and it was easy to communicate with others without leaving my house and sitting around all day didn't help matters. I decided to do something about it. My sister turned me onto a book called Body for Life and I read it and followed that program religiously. It totally worked too. I went from the mid 250's down to nearly 200 lbs in the span of a year. I had dropped out of the Body for Life diet when I started smoking again though. My diet became cigarettes and coffee and the internet addiction kept me from eating until I really got hungry. So the weight stayed off.

It ballooned back up again when I found myself in a negative relationship (again, not so much her, but the situation) and there is so much more to the story, but to bring it to present day...

I've seen my weight go from 213 to 260 in less than two years. It's a combination of over eating and inactivity. I quit smoking 2 1/2 years ago too, but I won't blame that for the entire gain. The scale per say doesn't matter now anyway... it's what I saw this morning...

...I've been shying away from the mirror in our bedroom because usually when my girlfriend is around I don't want to see myself in the mirror. Silly, I know. Anyhow, she's away for a few days and after my shower this morning I sat down on the bed after drying off and looked up at the mirror. I was physically repulsed by myself. I looked in that mirror and couldn't believe that was me I was looking at.

For the sake of my daughter - who I want to survive to walk her down the aisle and see potential grandchildren some day... I have to lose the weight.

My goal is 190 - 200. That might sound high to some, considering I am 5' 9", but my body type doesn't lend itself to 170. In shape, with proper muscle development and aerobics my weight will get to 199. I'd be happy to see that scale drop under the 200 mark for the first time in 13 years or so... but I'll settle for how I look when I glance in the mirror.

40 is way too young to have a heart attack.

It's do it now, or maybe in a year not be able to do it.

Wish me luck.

I'll detail my plan later and keep track of my progress on here.

Hugo Robichaud Needs a Miracle

2009-03-08T14:54:00.004-03:00

Hugo Robichaud is a little boy who needs a miracle.

His story was on the local CBC evening news this past week. The story is that he has been undergoing treatment for a tumor that was found in his abdomen, and which has spread in his body. There is treatment available in the United States, but Medicare in Canada will not cover the costs (somewhere in the neighborhood of $400,000 U.S.).

There is no guarantee the treatment will work, but it may save his life or at least prolong it according to his parents Janet Cormier and Pascal Robichaud.

Donations can be made at any branch of the Caisse populaire in New Brunswick. Stating that this is a Caisse populaire from south-east, we must give the account number (90646) and Transit number (00104).

It is also possible to send a check directly to the family at:

Janet Cormier and Pascal Robichaud
32 chemin Arluppe
Cap-Pelé, NB
E4N 1W1

Here is a link to the group on Facebook, where you can keep up to date and find more information:

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/group.php?gid=58899796365

Here is a link to the local newspaper story:

http://timestranscript.canadaeast.com/article/595562

Do what you can, even if it's just to forward this message.

~Michael

Deck the Halls

2008-12-25T00:01:00.002-04:00

For Nancy and me, 2008 could be summed up in two words: studying and parenting.

We actually had a bit of fun to start the year though. Ozzy Osbourne came to New Brunswick in January, and we saw his concert at the Moncton Coliseum. Well, "experienced" the concert is probably more accurate than "saw", I suppose. We we lucky to even get tickets. Thanks to someone on Facebook letting us know about an early bird sale and password we got a couple of really good seats near the stage. It was pretty sweet seeing Zakk Wylde's solos up close and we were far enough away to avoid the foam that got sprayed on the first few rows in front of the stage. The most impressive part for me was that, despite suffering from a flu, Ozzy put on a great show. It was surreal seeing the voice of Black Sabbath doing Paranoid before my very eyes.

I’m half way into my second year of studying Accounting at NBCC. It’s funny how much more work there is since the last time I went to school. Of course, back then I was more interested in playing pool, chasing girls, and hitting the bar with friends than in reading books about straight-line amortization and capital gains.

This time I’ve applied myself 100%, but all the hard work was almost lost in February when the NBCC custodians went on strike. For a while we were afraid of losing our year. About three weeks into the strike, hundreds of NBCC students marched on the provincial legislature in Fredericton to urge the government to settle the labour disruption. A meeting was arranged with Minister of Labour Wally Stiles, and I was chosen to represent the Miramichi campus at the discussions. We later met with the Union leaders to repeat our concerns. It was interesting to see how things work on the inside of negotiations. Fortunately the strike was settled and the schools reopened.

March was not so much fun, because I had to go to Saint John for surgery. It was nice that they could schedule it during the March Break so I didn’t miss any additional class time. Unfortunately, there was some resulting nerve damage and my left arm has given me a lot of problems since. Fortunately, being right handed, I wasn’t spared writing the end of term exams.

As the end of the school year approached, it became apparent that NBCC was not going to offer accounting at the Miramichi campus. This left two options - study marketing, or transfer to another school. When I asked Nancy what she thought of moving back to Moncton she was so happy that she jumped in the air, nearly knocking me over. It wasn’t easy for her to spend months in the backwoods of Miramichi while I was tucked away in the basement ignoring her in favour of textbooks.

After the school year ended, I got a job with the Sunny Corner Ball Association, and I spent the summer taking care of the baseball field. I made the chalk lines on the field before games, worked in the canteen during games, and picked up trash after games... but cutting grass was more time consuming. I spent hours mowing, trimming, and raking the outfield and around the fences. When it was finally done, I started over again. After years of living in apartments with no lawn and its related mowing responsibilities, I made up for it in 10 weeks. It was rewarding making sure everything was just right for game days.

As August came to an end, on the morning of the day we were moving to Moncton, I went up to the ball field to make the chalk lines one last time. As I approached the fence, I saw that someone had broken the lock on the gate. There were deep ruts of torn up grass and mud all over the outfield. Sometime during the night, someone had taken their vehicle out onto the field and destroyed what I had worked so hard to maintain all summer. I’m not sure if I’d ever felt anger like that before. Unfortunately, beyond reporting the incident to the police, there was little else that could be done.

Later that day we completed our move with the help of our families. Despite the difficulty of having to navigate around boxes for a week, we were happy to be ‘home’ in Moncton. We were fortunate enough to get an apartment next door to the college – so close that it’s only a two minute walk from our door to the classroom!

In September, we celebrated our daughter Sasha's first birthday. She started walking around that same time. During her first year I have noticed two things: (1) a toddler walks (and talks) kinda like someone who’s had too many shots of Jägermeister, and (2) they can go from acting cute as a bug into a screaming psycho tantrum faster than you can say bi-polar.

In October, I began radiation treatment as a follow-up to my earlier surgery. The doctors hadn’t found any cancer, but they thought it was best to be proactive. It was somehow possible to balance home life, school work, and the daily trips to the hospital even when it seemed there were not enough hours in the day. I was secretly hoping the machine would malfunction, and zap me with a kajillion times the normal dosage. If comic books have taught me anything, it’s that super powers come from highly concentrated doses of radiation. Having powers to become invisible or travel through time would be awesome but, even if I could, I wouldn’t want to change a thing. You see, last Saturday we took Sasha to see her first Santa Claus parade. She sat in her stroller with bright eyes taking in everything - in particular the marching bands, music, and dancing. Even if I could travel through time I wouldn’t change a thing and risk not seeing her eyes light up like that.

Best wishes to you and your family for a Merry Christmas and a Happy 2009!

To commemorate or not to commemorate...

2008-10-11T23:26:00.013-03:00

Advertisements, commercials, infomercials, newspaper ads, billboards, radio ads, it just goes on and on... marketers are pumping the world full of crap and advertising that crap in hopes that we will spend our scarce dollars on it.

Now available - American League Wildcard gear!

If you don't know what the Wildcard is, I'll explain. There are six divisions of teams in Major League Baseball. At the end of the season, each division winner gets into the playoffs, and they take the team with the best record in each league (American and National league) who didn't win a division and give them playoff spots too. Those extra two teams are called the Wildcard teams.

Now, I'm a Boston Red Sox fan. They've had their share of success lately to be sure. They won the World Series last year, and also in 2004. It was really cool seeing clothing and accessories advertising the fact that they were World Champions (I'm aware there are other countries that have their own professional baseball leagues, and that the title is debatable). It's really irritating that no sooner did the Red Sox clinch a playoff spot this year, than the major league baseball website was offering Official "American League Wildcard" gear - hats, t-shirts, etc.

This could fall into the category of the Peter Griffin "what grinds my gears" segment... is it really necessary to offer up merchandise for minor accomplishments like making the wild card position in the MLB playoffs? There is similar gear available in other sports... such as t-shirts commemorating NASCAR driver's who make the 'chase' for the Sprint Cup championship... keep in mind they haven't won anything yet... they have only earned a spot to compete for the title.

The only teams that should be honoured for winning anything are the champions of a particular sport. Maybe even a division winner. But to reward someone for just qualifying for the playoffs is kinda weak... and in my mind just a marketing opportunity to grab some cash. It's also kinda insulting to those teams who actually win the championship. They deserve the accolades and paraphernalia... not a team who had a season just good enough to make it to the playoffs.

_end vent

Presence

2008-09-28T01:50:00.008-03:00

Has anyone, before or since, commanded a stage like the late Freddie Mercury?

I was trolling around YouTube checking out some live performances and stumbled on a blast from the past. I watched all five parts of Queen's Live Aid (1985) performance, and it literally (to borrow a lyric from them) "sent shivers down my spine". If you haven't seen it and like Queen or live music... definitely check it out here.

From the first notes of Bohemian Rhapsody the crowd erupted with thunderous recognition and approval.

Radio Ga-Ga, which is not by any means my favorite Queen offering, did it again... leave it to the Brits to be really 'into' a show... 80,000 pairs of arms in the air clapping along in near perfect unison. The last guy to accomplish that kind of salute was Hitler... but he did it with hate and fear... Queen did it with passion and love.

RIP Freddie.

Forever missed

Never forgotten

Photo: Statue of Freddie Mercury in Montreaux, Switzerland at Lake Geneva. Source: http://www.prideofmanchester.com/

Everyone needs to watch this

2008-07-08T01:32:00.004-03:00

This is not an actress. It is Social Services Counselor Vicky Green describing her experience as a client of abortion doctor Henry Morgentaler at his first clinic in Montreal.

Country does not "Rock"

2008-06-20T18:16:00.004-03:00

What exactly do we have to do to get a metal festival around here? The Atlantic Provinces have been ignored long enough. While we have landed some big name acts in Moncton, they are not of the rock variety. The concerts promoted as the big thing each summer read like a list of who's who in the music biz... from 1975.

In the past 20 years between Moncton and nearby Shediac we have seen outdoor concerts from the Beach Boys, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Credence Clearwater Revival, Rolling Stones, Steve Miller Band, Foreigner, Steppenwolf, ZZ Top, and Huey Lewis and the News. Huey is the youngest artist on that list. And he was at his peak when I was in high school. FYI I'm approaching the big 4-0 now. This year we are treated with the Eagles.

Don't get me wrong - I appreciate music from all of those artists. However, with a proven track record of drawing big crowds Moncton continues to book country artists and 70's rockers and misses the opportunity to make an even bigger bang.

Picture this.

A weekend long music festival a la Woodstock. Three different headliners. 100,000 people in attendance. Moncton could go on the map rivaled only by Rio de Janeiro in crowd size (they draw a million people, so fuggeddaboutit). The reason I am confident in the number is because Maritimers would come from all over to see this. Moncton is the hub of the Maritimes for a reason. It is central and has the infrastructure to support a sudden influx of people (have you seen all the hotels going up around here lately???)

Before you say I'm dreaming, just imagine this...

Friday night have fireworks and parties and local talent playing all over the city. I'm sure the odd venue would be visited by some of the big stars who I am about to mention.

Saturday have a lineup of big names playing from noon until midnight. Repeat Sunday. Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath, Metallica, and AC/DC are just a few bands who are still pumping out new material with most of their key members. It's great that Lynyrd Skynyrd are still touring... but the last time I checked the guys who created that band are fertilizing daisies now (R.I.P. - no disrespect intended).

Anyhow, those artists would draw big crowds. Anyone that doubts that was not at the Ozzy Osbourne concert this past winter. His voice was messed up from the flu and he still laid it all out there for us. And Zakk played an extra long guitar solo to give the fans what they paid for. Regular joes who really care about who they are performing for - not prepackaged BS from a teeny bopper 15 year old millionaire who sings about stuff they haven't even lived yet.

Ahhh the rant goes on.

I've been all over the place... but my point is that there is a whole society of us who love metal and hard rock... and we want to see a show at the concert site at Magnetic Hill.

Don't try and tell me that 'country' rocks the hill. The only thing that country rocks is a chair.

Banner No. 17

2008-06-18T22:02:00.002-03:00

Is any comment really needed for this? FYI feel free to steal it for your website - I made it, and I don't believe there is a copyright on the banner design.

Way to go Celts. The feeling isn't the same as Bird, McHale, Parrish, Johnson et al, but regardless - we are world champions baby.

It's been a good year for my teams - the Canadiens finished 1st in their conference, the Cowboys finished first in theirs, and my other two favorite teams did have minor success too...

World Champion Boston Red Sox

World Champion Boston Celtics

The last time two of my favorite teams were champions in their respective sports, it was 1993 (Cowboys and Canadiens).

The Sox will have to defend their title before the Cowboys can make it 3 out of 4, although part of me thinks the Cubs deserve to end their curse too. C'mon Sox fans, we know what it's like. Anyhow, if the BoSox are for some reason eliminated I will be pulling for the Cubbies. But only then.

~Congratulations Boston - your city rocks.

Discipline

2008-05-22T07:16:00.004-03:00

I caught a story on the televised news this morning about a schoolyard fight between two 'tween girls. It happened in relative vicinity of their school bus and the driver on seeing the fight break out, broke it up. Of course everything is captured on video these days, and this event was no exception.

How did this story become news? Back in the day we would see school yard fights once in awhile... silly childhood disagreements resulting in fisticuffs. That was how it was settled then, and it would be pretty much forgotten after a week or so.

The reason it made the news was because it didn't end with the last swinging fist. The mother of one of the girls accused the bus driver of using excessive force in breaking up the fight. The video clearly shows her using physical force against these girls who are probably half her size.

According to the article on the WJXX news website, the mother said that she will sue if the driver keeps her job. She goes on to say that her daughter had "marks on her neck and arms as well as a bald spot on her head" (presumably from the altercation with the driver, and not the other child she was fighting with.

Rubbish. Children, under the law, are not completely responsible for everything they do. But when I was 10 years old I knew that fighting was wrong.

Both girls in the fight were suspended, and the school board said they are taking no action against the driver.

Good.

I've had about enough of bleeding hearts. People fucking whining about abuse and excessive force. There may very well be cases of that happening, and those people should be punished. But where is the common sense about what is excessive?!? Giving your child a tap on the backside or pulling two kids apart that are fighting - when they have refused an authority figure's instructions to stop their behavior - is quite acceptable. Beating a kid within an inch of their life is obviously not what I'm talking about here.

The fact is that every kid is different and they all need an individual approach to how they are disciplined.

Pulling two girls apart who are fighting, even if they do suffer from a sore arm or a bruise from being separated, is not abuse. It's to prevent them from doing even more damage to each other... because kids aren't aware of the dangers of fighting. A concussion or worse could happen if the fight is not interrupted.

That mother should thank the bus driver, instead of threatening a law suit.

Americans and their lawsuits.

Sheesh.

50,000,000 People. Gone.

2008-05-21T20:05:00.003-03:00

I'm going to cut and paste a newsletter I got in my e-mail today. It's regarding the Holocaust and I found it to be a really interesting point of view. The slaughter of 50,000,000 lives is nothing to take lightly... but I'm not talking about the Holocaust we are most familiar with. This one has been happening in North America since 1973. The 50,000,000 I am referencing is the number of children's lives cut short by legalized abortion.

That's a lot.

Here's the letter, (as written by Stand True Ministries' Bryan Kemper):

Tough Questions: Abortion is a Women's Issue, Men Should Stay Out of It

I often get e-mails and messages telling me that I should stay out of the 'abortion issue' because I'm a man. I've been told that I have no business getting involved since I can never get pregnant. Some even go so far as to tell me that, if men could get pregnant, we would make abortion a sacrament.

The problem with this argument is that it's meant to detract from the key issue of personhood. Most arguments you will hear from the pro-abortion side are simply rabbit trails meant to steer clear of personhood, the heart of what we are fighting for.

The first mistake is referring to it as the 'abortion issue.' While abortion is the largest part of the personhood fight, it is still just one part of the culture of death and the destruction of personhood.

This is not just about women either; it's about everyone involved including the mother, the father and the baby. To think that the mother of the child being killed is the only one who has any right to an opinion is absurd. Unfortunately, this argument is often used by men who call themselves pro-life. They say
that, while they are pro-life, they have no business telling a woman not to kill her child.

Imagine if the rest of the world had that same attitude during the Nazi Holocaust. "We are not German so we have no right telling them not to kill other people." That is an insane argument, no one could agree with a statement like that. To know about the killing of innocent human persons and do nothing about it because it was 'none of your business?' How absurd.

Right now it's extremely popular to stand up and be a voice for Darfur. Should we tell people to mind their own business because we're not from there and therefore have no right to an opinion? Or should we not be worried about the blatant human rights violations going on in China simply because we are not Chinese?

Edmund Burke said, "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." The evil of killing children has triumphed in America for over 35 years now. This triumph has been fueled by the apathy and denial of this generation.

Have you noticed how popular superhero movies are right now? We love to see Spiderman or Batman take out the bad guys as we cheer them on from the sidelines. We teach our kids that crime doesn't pay and make heroes out of those that fight against evil. I wonder what kind of lesson we teach them when we ourselves ignore evil because it's 'none of our business?'

We know what is happening in abortion mills and doctors' offices every day. We know that little baby boys and girls are being destroyed in the name of choice as we turn a blind eye. Some people are waiting
for the politicians to step up, as if they are going to be like Superman and swoop down to rescue the children right before the doctor's suction machine destroys them.

Well, as a father, I refuse to wait for some superhero or politician to teach my child a lesson about what is right and wrong. I refuse to tell my kids that they should take a stand against evil and fight for justice while I sit by and ignore the genocide that is killing one fourth of their generation.

As a man, as a father, and as a human I will not stay out of the 'abortion issue.' As human persons we cannot look at abortion simply as a women's issue. We must see it for what it is: the killing of innocent human persons. We should not get involved because we are men or women, but because we are human and it is our fellow human persons who are facing genocide.

For Christ I Stand,

Bryan Kemper - bryankemper@standtrue.com

Please feel free to repost on your blog, MySpace, newsletter, etc...

I found it pretty powerful, and it pretty much sums up how I feel everytime someone tells me to stay out of it - just because I am a man. Honestly since becoming more involved, educated, and aware of the 'abortion issue', I have found a great deal of 'pro-choice' folks are really unaware of the numbers and the reasons for abortions (by abortion, i mean the ending of a life).

Live Music

2008-05-16T13:53:00.008-03:00

Image from www.pennlive.com (courtesy of www.stonetemplepilots.com) 2008.

I'm pretty excited to see one of my all time favorite bands getting back together again. The four members of Stone Temple Pilots had split to pursue their own thing for awhile. Lead vocalist Scott Weiland had gone to be vocalist for Velvet Revolver. Drummer Eric Kretz ran a studio somewhere in I think California. I have no idea what the Bros. DeLeo were doing - I assume making music someplace... but it's been a long haul since their last studio album came out. Glad to see them back. I won't be able to afford to see them, unless they come to New Brunswick... just can't fit it in my budget right now - I'm a student afterall! I got to see Ozzy live and that will hold me for a couple years. I really wish I could see Maiden play in Montreal next month. Nancy's fave group Three Days Grace is also on the bill. Perfect... other than the fact that we have no money and no car.

One more year of school should rectify that. A 96% average has to be good for something in the workplace.

Speaking of concerts... I discovered a new site tonight... it's full of concerts from the 70's and 80's that are completely free to listen to. I'm listening to a Black Sabbath concert from 1974 right now... what a discovery! I only wish I could download and burn it! Several concerts on the site are available for download - for a price. But nonetheless, they are free to listen to.

I'm getting pretty stoked about a return to Moncton this September. I miss having a life and I miss my home. Nancy will welcome the move too. It's rough being in a strange environment with a new baby and no friends. It will be nice to have our own place... even if it is a modest apartment to start out with.

Anyhow, it's getting late... so I'm going to make some popcorn and enjoy the rest of this concert.

~ciao

Procrastinate

2008-05-13T21:21:00.001-03:00

It's been brought to my attention that I procrastinate sometimes...

... meh.... I'll finish this post later.

Carpe Diem

2008-05-11T19:37:00.009-03:00

"They're not that different from you, are they? Same haircuts. Full of hormones, just like you. Invincible, just like you feel. The world is their oyster. They believe they're destined for great things, just like many of you, their eyes are full of hope, just like you.

Did they wait until it was too late to make from their lives even one iota of what they were capable? Because, you see gentlemen, these boys are now fertilizing daffodils.

But if you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it?

(Whispering) - Carpe - hear it? - (again, in whisper) Carpe, carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary."

- Robin Williams in Dead Poet's Society.

I'm closing in rapidly on that magical number of 40. I've, until the past year, never really felt or looked my age. Lately, through major weight gain, surgery and cancer diagnosis (it's treatable, they think) I have become old in my mind. I probably still look a bit younger than my age... but the fact is there is a way to reverse the aging process. I haven't been taking care of myself and it's time I stopped making excuses. There is no question it isn't going to be easy - but I quit smoking a year and a half ago and it wasn't that tough. I just decided that dropping dead wasn't something I was ready to do yet - not with a daughter and her beautiful mommy depending on me to take care of them.

So I got on the scale the other day. I've gained roughly 40 lbs since the end of August last year. I could bore you with the excuses... but instead I will look forward with a sharply focused image of where I want to be a year from now. I will envision what I want to be, how it will be accomplished, and even the difficulties along the way that will try and stall my progress.

My target weight is not important, although I would love to see the scale under the mystical magical 200 mark. It's been a long time since I saw that.

I won't be doing any weight training for a bit... just want to get in the routine of blocking off a half hour every morning to do some exercise. Starting tomorrow morning, it begins.

~ciao

Denis Potvin, where are you?

2008-03-21T23:48:00.006-03:00

Hockey card gum gets a pretty bad rap. I mean, yeah it becomes tasteless pretty quick, but that initial flavor is pretty good. Well, that's my opinion anyhow. My biggest complaint of it was the white dust they powdered it with would leave a little residue on the card it was in contact with. It wiped off pretty easily though. So many times as a youngster I would chew that stuff till my jaw hurt.

Speaking of hockey card gum, tomorrow would be my brother Jeff's birthday. How do they relate to each other? Well, it was around the time of his 9th birthday...

...during the winter of 1978-79 my brother Jeff and I sporadically bought packages of hockey cards, five and ten at a time. After collecting them all winter we were only missing the #245 of Denis Potvin.

That card was the bane of our existence for weeks... pack after pack failed to yield that one elusive card.

In late March of '79, Jeff took a good portion of the money he got for his birthday and we went down to Ora's store in Nixon. He bought a couple boxes of the O-Pee-Chee hockey cards. Surely that would give us the one card we needed to make our collection complete.

We walked the half mile back to the house, ignoring the cold and snow, practically salivating at the thought of finding that card somewhere in those boxes.

A few dozen packs later we were surrounded by piles of empty wax wrappers, stacks of brittle pink hockey card gum, and three of Denis Potvin's O-Pee-Chee #245.

Our quest was at an end, and we both ended up with a complete set that year.

Thanks for sharing your birthday money with me, Bro.

Miss ya.

Habs Cup bound in '08?

2008-03-20T23:12:00.005-03:00

©(Philip MacCallum)/NHLI via Getty Images

Things are looking up for the Canadiens this year. For the first time in a long time they are playing with confidence, controlling the puck well, and look like a team that really could win it all. Hopefully they can make a successful cup run now - because the Penguins are positioning themselves for a dynasty.

Staal, Malkin, Malone, Whitney, Sykora, Hossa, Gonchar... and some other guy named Crosby.... are the core of the Pens right now. I don't think they are ready to go all the way yet... but they remind me of a typical dynasty in the works - like the Islanders were in the mid 70's. Look for them to have some mild playoff success for a couple more years, then Crosby will be presented the Stanley cup as captain at a very young age. As long as they continue to bring in some good talent in the draft and stay young, going into the Igloo could be a frightening experience for years to come.

In Montreal, Carey Price is on a similar path followed by a couple of rookie goalies before him. Ken Dryden and Patrick Roy came to the NHL after success at the College and AHL level respectively and led the Montreal

Canadiens to the Stanley Cup. Price won the Calder Cup with the Hamilton Bulldogs last year. It should shock no one if the Habs win it all this year. I've been impartial in my predictions every year (last year I picked the Ducks), not always picking my own team. Realistically though, they do have a legit shot this time around. Even if they face the Pens or Devils. Price would match New Jersey's goalie Martin Brodeur save for save. The Habs offense can out-gun any team in the East. The Penguins are the only team that really worries me right now.

I won't say they will win (I could actually picture them making it all the way to the finals, only to lose to Anaheim or Detroit) but the confidence playoff victories builds could make Price unstoppable by the time they reach the final series.

I will make one before the playoffs begin.

~l8r

I'm Not Dead

2008-03-09T20:48:00.002-03:00

I've been away for a long time. I used to blog almost every other day. Then I killed my old blog... and started a new one... then I killed that one off and started blog #3. I have kinda lost count.

I have to make this incredibly short.

I know, it's like the old friend you never see and then in passing in the mall you have to explain why you don't have time to talk.

Where have I been?

Worked long days last summer, leaving me too exhausted to do anything but stare blankly at the television.
Began a Business Administration course at NBCC in September.
Earned a 97% average in first term at previously mentioned school.
Became a father a week after starting school last September.
Dealt with extreme pain and sleeplessness over the past few months.
Had surgery to deal with benign tumor that caused previous issues.
Most of my internet time has been occupied by Crackbook.

That being said my life has been more than a little full. However, I am going to start blogging again - now that things have settled down for awhile. I guess this cancer* scare has reminded me to leave something - if only my words - in case anything ever happens.

Anyhow, I have an accounting test tomorrow - and those high 90's don't earn themselves.

~ciao

2007 Top 37 Songs

2007-12-31T23:59:00.002-04:00

My usual disclaimer comes first. This list is personal. It's not meant to be a list of the best songs artistically that were released in the calendar year. It's simply the songs that meant the most to me over the course of the past 12 months. Some are annoying and only appear here because I heard them so many times they are now stuck in my head and eventually I started to like them. Some are on here because they are really catchy songs and I just feel good when I hear them. And of course, some are really f'n good. Some are even really old... and I only discovered them this year, or they hold some special meaning to me.

The coolest thing I discovered about making such a list, is that it's really easy to make playlists of things I like. I can instantly be transported back to any given year in my mind by making a playlist of my favorite songs from any year, and then hitting play on my Media Player.

Usually this list has 50 songs on it. Not this year - I've had little time to listen to music with the baby and school and work... in fact, at work, the radio was my only source of music. That would explain quite of few of the songs on this list. Typically some of the stuff at the bottom probably wouldn't even have made it on my top 50... and the repetitive nature of radio has caused some songs to become stuck in my head and despite the irritability they caused earlier on they are now part of my brain lol.

Being a huge Van Halen fan, you can imagine my delight at discovering some old Sammy Hagar stuff this year. I was surfing through Wikipedia and came across the band Montrose from the 1970's... Sammy was the lead vocalist on the first few albums. It is pretty basic rock n' roll, but I played it quite a bit this year while driving around the 'chi.

If I had to describe the year in music from my personal view... it would be the year of the solo female artist. Frequently found in the CD player of the car were new albums The Best Damn Thing by Avril Lavigne, Loose by Nelly Furtado, and I'm Not Dead by P!nk... which happens to have edged Avril for my favorite album of the year.

Without further ado... here is the list.

1. P!nk - Who Knew
2. P!nk - U + Ur Hand
3. Dixie Chicks - Not Ready to Make Nice
4. Avril Lavigne - When You're Gone
5. Iron Maiden - Brave New World (Live in Rio)
6. Avril Lavigne - Keep Holding On
7. Van Halen - I'll Wait
8. Avril Lavigne - Hot
9. Skye Sweetnam - Tangled Up in Me
10. Linkin Park - Shadow of the Day
11. JoJo - Too Little Too Late
12. Stone Sour - Bother
13. Linkin Park - What I've Done
14. Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend
15. Montrose - Bad Motor Scooter
16. AFI - Girl's Not Grey
17. Ozzy Osbourne - I Don't Wanna Stop
18. Nelly Furtado - Afraid
19. Gwen Stefani - 4 in the Morning
20. Three Days Grace - Are You Ready
21. The Tragically Hip - Yer Not the Ocean
22. Linkin Park - Bleed it Out
23. Montrose - Rock Candy
24. Madonna - Jump
25. Nelly Furtado - All Good Things (Come to an End)
26. My Chemical Romance - Teenagers
27. Crosby Stills Nash & Young - Ohio
28. Avril Lavigne - Runaway
29. Nickelback - If Everyone Cared
30. April March - Chick Habit
31. Linkin Park - Given Up
32. Gwen Stefani - Early Winter
33. Scissor Sisters - I Don't Feel Like Dancin'
34. KT Tunstall - Suddenly I See
35. Montrose - Rock The Nation
36. Gwen Stefani Featuring Akon - The Sweet Escape
37. AFI - ...But Home Is Nowhere

Album of the Year:

P!nk - I'm Not Dead

Boston Red Sox - 2007 World Series Champions

2007-10-29T01:06:00.012-03:00

Josh Beckett
Alex Cora
Coco Crisp
Manny Delcarment
J. D. Drew
Jacoby Ellsbury
Eric Gagne
Eric Hinske
Bobby Kielty
Jon Lester
Javier Lopez
Mike Lowell
Julio Lugo
Daisuke Matsuzaka
Doug Mirabelli
Hideki Okajima
David Ortiz
Jonathan Papelbon
Dustin Pedroia
Manny Ramirez
Curt Schilling
Kyle Snyder

Mike Timlin
Jason Varitek
Kevin Youkilis

Terry Francona (Manager)
Luis Alicea (1st Base Coach)
John Farrell (Pitching Coach)
DeMarlo Hale (Third Base Coach)
Dave Magadan (Hitting Coach)
Brad Mills (Bench Coach)
Gary Tuck (Bullpen Coach)

Ashlyn's Poem

2007-10-13T17:29:00.000-03:00

I found a picture of this poem written on the back of a girl's shirt during last year's Day of Silence. By permission, I have reprinted it here.

This is the day of silence,
For those who will never speak,
This is a day of silence,
For the most weak.

This is a day of silence,
For who will never see the sun.
This is a day of silence,
For whom their life is done.

This is to remember the hopeless,
Those whose cries we don’t hear.
This is for the choiceless,
The ones full of fear.

This is for the woman,
Who made a big mistake,
This is for the children,
Who will never see a cake.

This is for the doctors,
Who feel no remorse.
This is for the lives lost.
Their world thrown off course.

~
© 2006 Ashlyn Huurman

It's too bad there are 50 million people who will never read it. Of course, then it wouldn't have been necessary to write it in the first place.

silence

2007-10-08T22:51:00.001-03:00

I stumbled across a website this weekend. It is regarding an issue I have always had a strong opinion about. Abortion. My feeling is that it is wrong. It is terminating a life against their will plain and simple. The majority in North America today (from my own conversations and observations) seem to hold to the feeling that although they would not have one, it should be up to the choice of the mother. That is currently how our law is structured in this country.

I want to make a couple of things very clear. I am not going to pussyfoot around the issue when I speak of this. I am not going to worry about offending someone. If you are reading this and have had an abortion, please understand that I am stating my views in a future sense. What is done is done and I do not judge you or your decision.

Just as you have an opinion on the morality of it, so do I.

I believe I have the right to state my opinion in a non-violent manner. I believe I have the right to wear duct tape on my mouth on October 23rd - it will not be disruptive to anyone, so long as I keep to myself. If anyone does ask me what the hell I am doing with duct tape on my mouth I will have a pre-typed note to hand them with an explanation of what I am doing.

The purpose of this is laid out on the website for the Pro-life Day of Silent Solidarity which you can check out for yourself... if you wish. I will probably be making more comments on this leading up to October 23rd.

I will be participating in this not to judge, but to be in solidarity with the 50 million victims of abortions who's voices were silenced before they could utter a word.

Today someone found out I was participating in this. Their reaction? They said, "You are a terrible person."

Un... frickin... real.

I welcome your comments - anything threatening will be deleted.

For now, that is all.

Sasha

2007-10-07T11:10:00.001-03:00

I have been neglecting my blog... but I think I will get back into it again soon. Facebook has been sucking the creativity out of me... doing things for me instead of making me do them on my own. That, and the fact that school has been taking up my free time pretty much puts a kibosh on writing here on a regular basis.

I have a new baby! Pictures are available on my Facebook profile.

Her name is Sasha Line Hall. She was born at 10:05 pm on September 13th, 2007, weighing in at 7 lbs 2 oz. She's gonna be beautiful like her mommy.

I'd love to write more... go on for paragraphs about how crazy things have been in my life lately (Mommy and baby went to Grand Falls for a couple weeks so I have a bit of a break) but I have homework to get to. So far school has been rockin. My test results have been 100% in accounting and 96% in Marketing. Shootin' for the Dean's List.

Later.

2007 Stanley Cup Final Prediction

2007-05-28T07:23:00.001-03:00

Ottawa Senators vs. Anaheim Ducks

It feels like Summer is here and we are finally at the end of the season in hockey. This is way too late to be playing a winter sport... ahh well.

In the 14 Series preceeding the Stanley Cup Final, my predictions have resulted in 10 correct, and 4 wrong. There is so much parity in the league now, my predictions could have easily been 4 right and 10 wrong. Even TSN's monkey gets them right by chance. Meh.

The big prediction was picking the Anaheim Ducks to win the Stanley Cup, which I did last fall prior to the 2006-07 season beginning. So at this point, as much as I would love to see the Cup return to Canada, I have to stick with my original prediction.

Ottawa is not a cinderella team. Unlike many finalists who end up there because of over achievement during the spring, the Sens actually are a legitimate Finalist. They should make the series close enough. You could almost flip a coin here, but honestly the Ducks are too well balanced down their order. A single injury to Alfredsson, Heatley or Spezza and the Sens would be beaten in 4.

The Ducks Pronger, Niedermeyer (Scott) and Beauchemin are just too strong on defense. And they have shown how they can rise to the occasion and overcome the loss of one of these guys and still dominate a game. In fact, when Pronger was suspended for a game in the last round... the Ducks actually played even better. Their confidence level then, and in overtime, could just be the tiny bit of difference that brings the Stanley Cup to California for the first time.

Assuming health of both teams, I'm going to say for the third consecutive season, a Canadian team will lose in 7 games. (Although it makes me kinda sad to say that, but c'mon... the Senators are not Canada's team. They are Ottawa's team. And they also belong to the bandwagon jumpers. My team is the Montreal Canadiens. Not Ottawa.

Prediction: Anaheim Ducks in 7.

2007 Stanley Cup Semi Finals Predictions

2007-05-08T23:30:00.000-03:00

Round 3

Eastern Conference

(4) Ottawa Senators vs. (1) Buffalo Sabres

The Buffalo Sabres were the class of the East all season. They should be able to beat the Senators, who rely heavily on one line for their scoring (Spezza, Heatley and Alfredsson). After getting to within a game of the finals last season, the Sabres are poised to go one step further this year. Assuming they can find a way to shut down the Sens main line. The Senators may have gotten this far, but they haven't been challenged by a good team yet. They beat a young and inexperienced Pittsburgh Penguins, and the New Jersey Devils - who no longer has Scott Stevens or Scott Niedermayer on defense. This round they are facing the number one team in the NHL.

Prediction: Sabres in 5.

Western Conference

(5) San Jose Sharks vs. (1) Detroit Red Wings

These teams are both playing well and match up nicely. Unfortunately for Detroit, losing defenseman Mathieu Schneider could make the difference. In the four regular season meetings between these two teams, they each won twice at home.

Goaltending wise, the teams are both strong. Defensively I would have to give an edge to Anaheim... especially now with Schneider out. With the experienced defense and goaltending these teams have... look for very low scoring games. There are 10 Norris trophies between these two teams... 9 among players Scott Niedermayer, Chris Pronger, Niklas Lidstrom and Chris Chelios... and Anaheim Coach Randy Carlisle has one too.

The scoring is well balanced on both teams... but to beat these goalies weird bounces and garbage goals will probably decide it. They will stop anything they see.

Back in October, the Anaheim Ducks were my pick to win the Stanley Cup. That has not changed. Still, Detroit is a good opponent. Look for it to go 7.

Prediction: Ducks in 6.

(Edit: May 19th, 2007 - I was just reading my post. Apparently I do not know the difference between 6 and 7. "Look for it to go 7. Prediction: Ducks in 6." Anyhow, I won't change it. I did settle on Ducks in 6... but forgot to correct my previous "7".)

T- minus 4 months

2007-04-26T20:21:00.000-03:00

I'm thinking my summer is going to fly by. I started working on Monday... I got a summer job at a local automobile dealership... and hopefully they will have enough work for me to last until the end of August.

I'm so frickin' exhausted... it's been so long since I had a physical job... and I don't think I ever got a sunburn this early in the year before. But, it's sooo worth it. Although EI is going to fund my return to school and pay me while I go... I still need to earn as much as possible before school starts. Nancy is due to deliver on September 4th, and NBCC Orientation is on September 5th... working 6 days a week until then will only make it come faster.

4 more months left before I become a Dad. I'm excited and a little nervous all at the same time.

~tired, but satisfied.

Afghanistan

2007-04-25T21:48:00.000-03:00

I've been hearing a lot about Afghanistan from the politicians lately. They want to set a timetable for pulling the Canadian troops out of harms way. I suppose that they are playing politics (read bullshit), because we have had several soldiers die in the past few weeks.

Do these elected officials remember why we have sent soldiers over there?

Here's a little reminder.

Remember why we are over there now?

Right.

It's to help get rid of terrorists, and prevent that shit from happening.

Still having trouble remembering?

Maybe this will help.

That's a composite of roughly 2000 of the victims of 9-11. They were at work and going about their daily lives when al qaeda carried out their attack. It could have happened to anyone of us.

The only purpose behind the 9-11 attacks, was their so-called jihad. Apparently their 'god' is happy when they slaughter people to make a point.

The attacks were considered revenge because of mis-deeds by Americans or some other reason. There is plenty of material readily available on the internet to explain where these terrorists are "coming from". Irregardless... it seems al qaeda thinks that violence is the way to best make their statement.

I hope our soldiers stay in Afghanistan until every tiny pocket of these terrorists is rooted out. It may never be, unfortunately. I don't think we have seen the last of the attacks on North American soil. Nevertheless, I'm glad our brave soldiers are fighting to protect our freedoms.

I just wish the politicians would think more about what their purpose is over there, instead of playing politics and catering to the left wing.

They should be ashamed.

Stanley Cup Playoffs - Round 2 Predictions

2007-04-24T22:59:00.000-03:00

I went 6 for 8 in the first round. I picked the Rangers, Sabres, Devils, Red Wings, Canucks and Ducks to advance and they did. My two incorrect picks were the Penguins and Predators. They were beaten by the Senators and the Sharks respectively. I compared my picks with the guys at TSN and I fared well, although Darren Dreger got all 8 right. At least I beat the damn monkey.

Here are my predictions for round 2.

Round 2

Eastern Conference

(6) New York Rangers vs. (1) Buffalo Sabres

The Buffalo Sabres should roll over the Rangers in this series. The Sabres won all 4 games over the Rangers during the regular season, but they haven't met since December 1st... so that is pretty much out the window. The fact is that the Sabres will probably be more disciplined when Sean Avery tries to goad them into penalties. His Ranger circus will end this round, as the Sabres continue their march to the Finals.

Prediction: Buffalo Sabres in 5.

(4) Ottawa Senators vs. (2) New Jersey Devils

I'm having a lot of difficulty picking a team to win this series. Martin Brodeur could steal the it for the Devils... but assuming he doesn't have a Roberto Luongo type series... I think the firepower from the Sens will just be too much. Their scoring in the playoffs thus far has been extremely well balanced, while the Devils have depended on a couple of players to score the bulk of their goals. There is no Scott Niedermayer or Scott Stevens in Jersey anymore...

Prediction: Ottawa Senators in 6.

Western Conference

(5) San Jose Sharks vs. (1) Detroit Red Wings

The Sharks are bigger and will dominate the Red Wings. I think they will win the series easily... and here is why: They easily handled the Predators who were a great team this year, and the Red Wings barely beat a lackluster Calgary Flames team... who kinda sucked this playoff, and barely made it in ahead of Colorado.

Prediction: San Jose Sharks in 5.

(3) Vancouver Canucks vs. (2) Anaheim Ducks

The Ducks will win this series, although Luongo might steal a game or two. I would have given the Canucks more credit in this series, but for their dismal performance against Dallas (Let's face it, if hadn't been for Luongo, it would have been a Stars sweep.) In another year, Vancouver might be a Finals contender... but not this time. Anaheim is armed for bear... or is it buffalo?

Prediction: Anaheim Ducks in 5.

Virginia Tech

2007-04-18T00:50:00.001-03:00

I am going back to college this fall. For the last 10 years I have witnessed this senseless violence at our educational institutions. It was nice to see this picture of the Virginia Tech students standing in solidarity. One sick cowardly individual cannot destroy the human spirit, despite the chaos and hurt they have placed on so many.

I remember Ecole Polytechnique. I remember Columbine. I remember Virginia Tech. I will always be thankful for the opportunity for education, and never forget that for some the opportunity was taken away by something senseless and cowardly - I will remember you all the day I receive my diploma.

~Rest in Peace

(Editor's Note, May 11, 2008: To label someone cowardly may not be completely accurate, especially when they obviously have some emotional/mental/psychological issues driving their decision making process. Still, it's hard not to be very angry sometimes.)

2007 Stanley Cup Playoff Predictions

2007-04-10T22:35:00.000-03:00

The 2006-07 National Hockey League season is now behind us. Bring on the playoffs! Two months of games nearly every night, culminating in a victory dance with a 30 pound piece of silverware.

The best part about this time of the hockey season is that the games will not suck. Every one of them counts, and is sure to be a nail biter. More importantly - no more shootouts! That's right... every game will be determined by most goals scored, as it should be. Still tied? Play another 20 minutes. And so on.

Here are my predictions for the first round of the playoffs (The teams' final Conference standing is in brackets.)

Eastern Conference

(8) New York Islanders vs. (1) Buffalo Sabres
The Sabres will destroy the hapless Isles this time around. Although the scoring is well balanced for the Isles, the Sabres is also, and much stronger. Buffalo has superior goaltending. They also have the intangible of recent playoff success. The coolest thing about this series - Ted Nolan comes back as coach of the Isles, and who is his first round opponent?? The team that unceremoniously let him go 10 years ago (after the season for which he was named Coach of the Year). Unfortunately for Nolan, his retribution will have to wait... the Sabres should have an easy march to the Finals.

Buffalo Sabres in 5.

(7) Tampa Bay Lightning vs. (2) New Jersey Devils
This is a difficult series to predict, and could be the toughest matchup in the first round. There is no shortage of Stanley Cup rings (read experience) among the players in this series. The Lightning won two seasons ago, and the Devils, in 2003. Devil's goaltender Martin Brodeur could be the difference, but no goaltender can win it entirely on his own. If New Jersey can contain the Lightning's big 3 of Martin St. Louis, Vincent Lecavalier and Brad Richards... the Devil's should come out on top.

New Jersey Devils in 7.

(6) New York Rangers vs. (3) Atlanta Thrashers
These teams are evenly matched, but there is slightly better goaltending for the Rangers, in Henrik Lundqvist. They also have a more cohesive team this year, unlike in years past when they couldn't even make it to the post season despite a superstar lineup and a big budget (pre salary cap). Atlanta relies heavily on Marian Hossa and Ilya Kovalchuk, whereas the Ranger's goals come from a more balanced attack. Marcel Hossa (Marian's brother) plays for the Rangers, which creates an interesting sideline in this otherwise meaningless series. I'm sure it's not meaningless to Ranger or Thrasher fans, but neither one of these teams will likely see round 3.

New York Rangers in 7.

(5) Pittsburgh Penguins vs. (4) Ottawa Senators
This is probably going to be the most watched series in the first round. Everyone wants to know what Sidney Crosby is going to do for his first go 'round in NHL playoff hockey. The Penguins were only supposed to challenge for a playoff spot in this, his second season, but here they are - a genuine contender. These teams tied in points during the season and both teams have balanced scoring - but if Crosby goes down, so will the other Penguin's goal output. As long as Ottawa's Emery and Pittsburgh's Fleury stay healthy... there is no advantage in goal. Pittsburgh made some key additions of grit with Gary Roberts and Georges Laraque. If they survive the Senators, they could gain the confidence needed to go all the way. Bottom line - if everyone stays healthy...

Pittsburgh Penguins in 6.

Western Conference

The thing about the teams from the West, is that they were clearly the stronger conference this year. While there is almost an obvious choice for the Eastern Conference team to be in the Finals (Buffalo Sabres), in the West the 8th place team has as much a shot as the first.

(8) Calgary Flames vs. (1) Detroit Red Wings

Normally you would think that an 8th place team has little chance against the 1st place team, but the Wings learned this isn't true last season when they were defeated in round 1 by 8th place Edmonton. This year could see a similar repeat of fortunes, if it were not for the return of Dominik Hasek in goal for Detroit. He had a great season and should continue through the playoffs. The Flames will press the Red Wings to 7, but will fall short this time around.

Detroit Red Wings in 7.

(7) Minnesota Wild vs. (2) Anaheim Ducks
Niklas Backstrom. Who? He led the NHL in save percentage and goals against average this season, and he is the goaltender for the Minnesota Wild. He will steal some wins for his team in this series, but Anaheim is too strong. Assuming Chris Pronger stays healthy - and that is not guaranteed - they should win this series. History says that the eventual Stanley Cup Championship team has at least one tough series along the way. This should be the one for Anaheim. Don't be surprised it Minnesota goes up 3-1 or 3-2 in the series... but Anaheim will prevail.
Anaheim Ducks in 7

(6) Dallas Stars vs. (3) Vancouver Canucks

Vancouver is going to beat Dallas. Probably quickly. Why? Two words... Roberto Luongo. After facing a kajillion shots in Florida and going nowhere, he finally came to a contending team. This will be his first playoff experience, since he broke into the NHL 8 years ago... long overdue for the 4th overall draft pick. Marty Turco is no slouch in Dallas. Don't be surprised if every game is low scoring in this one. This might be the most boring series to watch if you like goals - all four times they met during the regular season, the games ended in 2-1 scores. And as anyone knows, during the playoffs teams usually tighten up on their defence. The games will be close... and the series will be dead even... but Vancouver will win every game because of their goaltender.
Vancouver Canucks in 4.

(5) San Jose Sharks vs. (4) Nashville Predators
These teams are even. It should be a close series and high scoring. I could forsee games with scores of 6-5 in each game. Nashville had another excellent season, and picking up Peter Forsberg could make the difference - if he stays healthy. The Sharks landed Bill Guerin, so even in late season pick-ups they kinda cancel each other out. You could flip a coin to determine who wins this one. Both teams are contenders for the Cup - possibly the best first round matchup ever - it's crazy that one of these teams will have their season end in round one.

Nashville Predators in 7.

And there you have it. TSN has a monkey that tries to make predictions. After each round of the playoffs is complete, I will compare my predictions with the network professionals... and the monkey.

FYI, my pre-season prediction for the Stanley Cup Champions was the Anaheim Ducks.

~cheers

Stanley Cup 2007

2007-04-02T23:46:00.001-03:00

The 2006-07 NHL season is winding down, and the Canadiens are currently sitting in a playoff position. Of course, depending on what happens this week, the last Eastern Conference playoff spot could be up for grabs Saturday night when they go into Toronto to play the Maple Leafs.

Toronto has gone a long time (40 years, this season) without winning the Stanley Cup - it would be nice for their fans to have a chance to celebrate a Championship...

...some other year.

~Go Habs!

Postscript on April 11th - Stupid Islanders and Leafs. They ruined it for everyone haha.

Baseball

2007-03-27T15:32:00.000-03:00

There are two things that are irritating me about the coming major league baseball season, the first being...

T Dot

Am I the only person who doesn't like the Toronto Blue Jays? I watch Sportsnet News on a regular basis and I can't stand seeing the biased coverage this team gets. This past week I actually heard them referred to as Canada's Team. Uhm, excuse me?!? They are not Canada's team. They may be Toronto's team, but that's as far as it goes. I am not disputing the fact that there may be more Blue Jay fans across the country than fans of any other team, but that still does not make them Canada's team. I'm willing to bet that if you did a survey down east, I'm sure you would find a ton of fans devoted to the New York Yankees, Boston Red Sox and many other teams. Out west you would find a lot of Minnesota Twin and Seattle Mariner fans. How many Tiger fans are in Windsor, where you could throw a rock and hit Tiger Stadium?

I believe the reference to being Canada's Team irked me is because I am Canadian, and a baseball fan. I am not, however, a Toronto Blue Jays fan.

For years I have watched the major sports networks in this country show favoritism towards Toronto based sports teams. They have pumped up the Raptors as being Canada's Basketball Team in an effort to boost ratings and fan support. That is also bogus. In fact, they probably have less Canadian fan base relative to the Jays in their sport. Having only been around for 12 years... I'm willing to bet there are far more Laker and Suns fans in this country. It makes me curious - is there is a place on the web that would show a break down of canadian fan support per pro sports team?

Sports highlights on the national networks are always peppered with shots of average Maple Leaf plays, routine Raptor dunks and basic Blue Jay double-plays. After nearly 20 years of following the sports updates closely I have seen an obvious pattern of favoritism. Unfortunately, the sports networks are supposed to have a national flavour, but instead smack of T Dot influence. I realize that they are probably broadcasting out of Toronto, but they should realize that the world does not revolve around them and their viewers are coast to coast.

Rogers Communications Inc. owns the Blue Jays and Rogers Sportsnet, and they are a major sponsor on TSN. Not really a great surprise that the teams from T.O. are getting preferential treatment.

There are roughly 2 million people in Toronto. It is by far the biggest urban area in the country - but there are over 25 million Canadians who do not live in the Toronto region. I think the people at our national sports broadcasters should remember that.

The second thing that is bothering me are the numbers...

22 to pass 755

Photo by Jeff Chiu/AP

Barry Bonds is one of the greatest players in the history of Major League Baseball. His statistics are Hall of Fame calibre numbers. I have watched his career from the beginning, and remember his days in Pittsburgh as a part of the Pirate's "Killer B's" lineup. It was a great team, but they couldn't quite make it to the World Series and he is still trying to be a part of a Championship team.

Bonds has always had a bit of a cold shoulder for reporters. I don't really blame him. You can debate the ins and outs of whether his position dictates that he should be cozy with the media, but one thing is for sure - Barry Bonds is his own person and he is keeping it real. I respect him for that.

This season Bonds could break the all time home run record held by Hank Aaron. Bonds has 734, meaning he only needs to hit 22 homers to pass Aaron's total of 755. Aaron has held the record since 1974, when he passed then career leader Babe Ruth. Hank Aaron, who is black, suffered through racially motivated death threats if he were to break Babe's mark. His achievement was great on more than one level.

That being said, records are supposed to be broken at some point and if Barry Bonds passes Aaron and breaks the record, it should be a moment to celebrate for baseball fans.

Unfortunately, it has been alleged that he has taken performance enhancing drugs during his career. I believe if this is true, it taints the record and is a blemish on the entire sport.

The issue gets complicated, when considering that there are such allegations, Bonds himself has not made a clear stand denying them.

Making it murkier still - would steroids or other performance enhancing drugs be of any benefit to a home run hitter? He still has to have the basic skill of hitting a ball thrown at 90 plus miles an hour. If you don't hit the ball correctly, it doesn't matter what kind of power is behind it - it's still not going out of the park.

Barry Bonds is a guy I want to respect. I want to cheer him on. But he has to come clean, and if the allegations are true... he needs to retire before passing Hank Aaron's record.

In 2003 Major League Baseball tested 1438 players for performance enhancing drugs. Their results were that 5 to 7% of all players tested positive¹, which translates to 72-100 players. Hopefully they can get this cleaned up so the playing field is level.

Now that I got that off my chest... play ball!

~Michael

Jeff

2007-03-22T01:01:00.000-03:00

Today would have been my brother Jeff's 37th Birthday. An accident took him away too soon, and left four kids without a dad. I wanted to mark this day with a post in memory of him.

Last summer I started working on a memorial site and events side tracked me from that. I have begun wading through pictures, cropping and sorting... it is a long process. I should have it up by his birthday next year lol.

Even though we hadn't spoken in awhile before you died, I wish we had've sorted things out. I still think you were being a dumbass... but you are my brother. And you're going to be an uncle soon.

Miss ya.

~Mike

Operation Lose 10 Pounds

2007-03-21T10:37:00.001-03:00

OPERATION LOSE 10 POUNDS

I started a new blog recently. It can be found by clicking the link above, or going to my profile and selecting the blog from there.

I was chatting on Consumating last week and one of the fellow chatters mentioned she wanted to lose 10 pounds by the summertime. I thought that was a great idea, since I have been anxious to start shedding the weight I've gained since last summer and quitting smoking in three months ago.

It kinda blew up into this thing and we now have several participants in the blog writing. Feel free to check it out and if you have any interest in joining in just send me your email address and a brief synopsis of why you would like to join and I will add you as a participant.

I have my interview at ExxonMobil in about 2 hours... so say a prayer, or wish me luck!

~Michael

(Editor's Note - May 12, 2008: I never got the job with Exxon. I had to cut off all my hair for nothing but the interview experience. Nice. Ah Well. Also, with the Operation Lose 10 Pounds - it kind of fizzled... I had really hoped for more participation from more individuals but it didn't happen. Of course there was much distraction with working during the summer, followed by school and a baby. I'm starting on a weight loss journey again, this time fully incorporated with an exercise plan. I'm looking forward to shedding this excess weight.)

...still alive

2007-03-19T20:08:00.000-03:00

It just occured to me that I haven't written anything on here in some time. I guess life has been to hectic or unsure and any form of creativity has been stifled. Call it writer's block, or just a lack of desire to hit the keys on the keypad in front of me.

Things are looking a lot better today than they did just a week ago. Now I know I'll be heading to college this fall if my interview doesn't produce a career offer (ExxonMobil is interviewing me on Wednesday).

Pray or cross your fingers (pick your poison) that I can land this job now, because there is another mouth to feed coming soon.

~ciao

Day 1 - T Minus 38 Hours

2007-02-10T10:30:00.001-04:00

Just about to hit the bus and head back up to Miramichi. It was so cool to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time. Nancy and I just looked at each other and smiled when we heard it... what an amazing feeling.

I have a lot to do in the next two weeks before I come back down. I got an interview with ExxonMobil again, like I did 3 years ago... although this time I will be even better prepared for it. I will spend the next couple weeks refreshing myself on Excel and Access in preparation for the testing.

I want to go to college, but this is the kind of job I would be looking at when I get out... so if I can land it now it will save me at least 2 years on my career path. Saweeet. If not, at least I can still go to college in September. Ironically the baby is due September 4th. That is the day after Labour Day. Looks like I may have to miss my first day of school. Oh well, like Homer said... "Someone will cover for me."

I have a couple other things to do in the next couple weeks also. Quitting smoking was a great thing I did for myself... but the major drawback to that has been the uncontrollable eating. I have gained at least 15 lbs as a direct result of quitting. Now that the urge to smoke has subsided almost completely - December 27th was the last time I literally touched one - I have to get a handle on getting into shape. I have just over 6 months before baby comes and school starts... so I really have to get those habits of good diet, healthy living and exercise ingrained in me. I weighed myself before I came down here... and it was scary. 225 lbs is about 35 too much for my body type. I've naturally got fairly large muscles without much weight training... so 180 - 190 is my ideal weight. It is imperative that I begin getting there. One thing I must always keep in mind. It is only what I do today that counts. Tomorrow will worry about itself.

It has been 6 years since I can say I was in good shape... and it didn't last long then. It's been that long since I had a regular exercise regimen that I held up longer than 3 months. It's been that long since I really concentrated on eating properly... hmmm coincidence? Nah. The six days on, one day off thing really does work.

I will get a plan together and post it here... because being accountable is important. I welcome any and all feedback! Keep me motivated people!

Next comes the before and after pictures... yikes.

Bahahaha

2007-02-06T11:33:00.000-04:00

A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

"No," he says, "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"

He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else -- a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?".

The man shakes his head. "No, they're all at the funeral."

why have i been so naive?

2007-02-04T23:58:00.000-04:00

It is scary to see what people are capable of doing to one another.

I have grown up much too naive, always believing in the goodness of people... that they would never use you or hurt you... but I have been trampled on by some people who were supposed to be friends... and I am still working on recovering my trust of "people" in general. I have little or no trust for human beings right now. At least anyone outside of a very tight circle.

I'm sure that I will never be the naive person I was before - that is impossible...

One thing is for sure... I do have to learn to trust my intuition more - it has proved to be right on the money in a few situations, that, had I followed it sooner, I could have spared myself some heartache and humiliation. Of course those things are supposed to have a silver lining - making a person stronger... but sometimes the wounds don't heal so easily.

It's sad when people do what is easy instead of what is right... even when it hurts people around them. It damages their integrity.

Sometimes getting that next fix is more important than getting the housework done. Sometimes being selfish is more important than giving. Sometimes it is easier to lie to yourself than to face your demons. And sometimes a piece of ass is more important than being a friend.

Or perhaps those bonds were never there. It was all just an apparition.

There is supposed to be an unwritten code among men. But it is not always followed. Even the author of the Psalms had a man killed to get to his wife. We are flawed and imperfect.

But what is even more pathetic is when those who have done a wrong continue to twist the knife once it has pierced the flesh. Taking shots at the very people that have been wronged. It makes me sick to my stomach to know that there are people like that out there. I'm pretty sure (as my intuition and common sense tells me) that things are said by people who are able to convince themselves to believe in their own lies.

Maybe they don't realize the others have even been hurt or wronged at all. Maybe they have made themselves believe their own version of the truth so convincingly that they have forgotten what their selfishness has caused. Maybe they have no conscience. Maybe their thoughts are based on kill 'em all, and let God sort 'em out.

The only problem with that theory is that God put us here to sort things out for ourselves. Not to be his puppets and wait for him to do everything for us.

What I have seen people do in the name of God and religious beliefs makes me want to puke.

And I am a Christian. But I'm starting to think I should shed that "label", and just believe what I believe. Christians don't have a very good reputation in the world... and for good reasons a lot of the time.

Although, I believe that sometimes the conscience weighs heaviest on those people who appear to have none at all.

I must continually remind myself that I am not perfect either and neither is anyone else.

I have been dealt whatever hand I have been dealt. An education isn't the be-all end-all of my existence. And if I cannot go back to school I will do what I have to to survive.

~later

Gabriela ~ Part VI

2007-01-28T00:49:00.000-04:00

Note: This is a post that originally appeared on my old blog a couple of years ago. Part 6 of 6 (so far).

Sunday, October 10, 2004

Gabriela ~ Part VI

(Author's Note: This is part six of six parts in a series, concerning a sequence of dreams I have been having. You can find parts 1 thru 5 on this blog, if you're interested in reading the story from the beginning. There may be further chapters to come, depending on the nocturnal activity of my mind. And of course, depending on Gabriela's whims.)

I was sitting alone the old duplex.

I suppose it was built sometime back in the 1920's, but I'm not an expert on architecture. It really could have been built anytime around the turn of the century.

But it felt old.

The lights were off, and I hadn't noticed that dusk had become full night. Sitting in front of a computer monitor can somehow make a person lose track of time.

I logged onto instant messenger, and Misty came on line...

(The conversation that follows is not word for word... but paraphrased to the best of my memory...)

Misty says:
hey

Wolverine says:
hey misty

Misty says:
what r u doing?

Wolverine says:
nothin really, just downloading some tunes... you?

Misty says:
relaxing, i'm tired (yawwwnn) <---- see!

Wolverine says:
quit stayin up all night, dumbass haha

Misty says:
i dint! it was just a long day at work - i had a 12 hour shift. but i did have a hard time sleeping last night

Wolverine says:
too much coffee?

Misty says:
i hate coffee! no, i just had a bad dream and couldnt get back to sleep again

Wolverine says:
that sucks - you alone last night?

Misty says:
uh huh. coulda used someone to hold me for sure

Wolverine says:
wish i lived closer cuz u coulda used me hon

Misty says:
thanks michael, you're sweet

Wolverine says:
no, just horny

Misty says:
ugh men are such pigs :p

Wolverine says:
yes. but i'm an honest pig!

Misty says:
true. so do you ever have nightmares?

Wolverine says:
oh yeah. sometimes i wake up scared shitless. so much for mr toughguy huh

Misty says:
theres nothing wrong with that

Wolverine says:
ok, but shhhhhhh dont tell anyone - it will ruin my image

Misty says:
what image :p

Wolverine says:
funny... my tough guy bad boy image

Misty says:
uh... yeah ok whatever. so mr toughguy, how do you get back to sleep when you have nightmares?

Wolverine says:
i guess i just try and think of something else... you know ~ find my 'happy place' hehe

Misty says:
uh huh. do you ever remember the dreams later?

Wolverine says:
sometimes... do you mean the nightmares?

Misty says:
well yeah, why, do you remember any good ones you had?

Wolverine says:
well, i had this really vivid one back when i was in college. it was more like a vision tho. there was this girl who just stood there staring at me.

Misty says:
really? now you have me curious ~ do you remember more of it?

Wolverine says:
i remember all of it

Misty says:
tell me the rest! :)

Wolverine says:
ok i guess have no where i gotta be neways

Misty says:
i'm just gonna go grab a smoke and brb. go ahead and type dont wait for me.

Wolverine says:
yeah thats cool... it was back in 1988, during my first year of college... it was winter time, but in my dream it was summer and...

I recounted, in full detail, the entire dream to Misty. She didn't interrupt me even once, though I typed for quite awhile... i even started to wonder if she had been reading it at all, thinking that maybe she dozed off...

Wolverine says:
That must be some smoke youre having!

Misty says:
im still here... i was reading

Wolverine says:
ok i thought maybe i bored you to death

Misty says:
no way... ok, so who was she?

Wolverine says:
dunno. never seen her before

Misty says:
strange. maybe it was a premonition?

Wolverine says:
i dont think so. i never saw her after that, at least not outside of a dream

Misty says:
you dreamt about her again?

Wolverine says:
well... it was someone. it think it was her.

Misty says:
tell me tell me tell me

Wolverine says:
fine relax lay off the sugar

Misty says:
:'(

Wolverine says:
jk hon. here goes... it was the winter of 1992, and my dream was during a really big snowstorm we had that year... i was standing near the miramichi river and...

Again, I put down every detail. I was surprised that, once again, she didn't type a single word as I wrote.

Wolverine says:
and that's it.... you still there?

Misty says:
yes. it was the same girl... wasnt it?

Wolverine says:
well i didnt think so at the time... but in hindsight, yeah ~ i think it probably was

Misty says:
and you never actually met her in real life?

Wolverine says:
not that i know of... i suppose with the way dreams work, she could just be some random girl i passed on the street

Misty says:
two dreams about the same girl... doesnt sound too random to me!

Wolverine says:
there were more than two dreams

Misty says:
really!??!

Wolverine says:
yeah, i had another one in 1996

This time I filled her in on the details of dream # 3 without any prompting from her. And again, she saved her comments for the end of my story.

Wolverine says:
OK done. thats the third one.

Misty says:
it sounded beautiful the way you described it... very detailed

Wolverine says:
well thats just how i remember it. but the dreams were more like visions in a way because they were so clear... and i still see them the same way today. not just random imagery like in a lot of dreams, but more like a clear story without a lot of weird shit that doesnt make sense when you wake up

Misty says:
and you had the fourth dream in four years later, in 2000, didn't you?

I had just taken a sip of coffee, and when I read that I nearly sprayed the monitor with it. I sat frozen in my chair... eyes focused on the monitor...

Misty says:
you still there?

I had the sudden urge to turn on some lights, but I was glued to the chair and couldn't move... and couldn't type... how did she know when i had the fourth dream??

Misty says:
helloooo?

The hair stood up on the back of my neck... my arms... and a chill ran up my back. I had that feeling you get when someone is watching you. I didn't feel like I was alone in the house anymore.

And everything went cold.

My eyes were locked to the monitor, and I was actually afraid to look up. I had myself convinced that, when I looked out into my livingroom, she was going to be standing there...

A blonde of roughly 5 foot 8, and about 30 years old...

It would be Gabriela, but no longer the beautiful girl she was in my dreams...

Blue lips and sunken eyes will have ruined her delicate features. Tattered clothes now barely covering the rotting discoloured flesh beneath.

And she is standing not ten feet from me.

I am certain that if I meet her stare this time (outside of the dreamworld), it would surely drive me over the deep end. Goodbye crazy world - i'll be in a padded room at Centra-Care, if you would like to write. First door on the left. And I only have one parting request. Keep her the hell away from me, and don't let me fall asleep.

I literally gave my head a shake. As I did that, something moved in the living room. I actually believe my heart stopped for a second... but I realized it was only my reflection in the opposite window.

And there was no one else there.

Wolverine says:
yeah im still here... sorry about that.

Misty says:
where'd ya go?

Wolverine says:
nowheres - im still here.

Misty says:
you didnt say anything for 10 minutes i thought you disappeared

I hadn't realized at the time that so much time had passed ~ it felt like only seconds

Wolverine says:
sorry. how did you know i had a fourth dream in 2000?

Misty says:
your dreams were in 1988, 1992, 1996... 2000 - its a pattern

Again, I felt those chills run up my back. I hadn't noticed the regular interval of my dreams before, and seeing it now provided an eerie feeling. And there was something else too ~ each year had an extra day on its' calendar...

Wolverine says:
well you're right it was in 2000, but i don't remember any of that one. it was just kinda blacked out when i tried to remember it the next day

Misty says:
based on her age she would have been born in 1972. you said she was about 15 in your first dream?

Wolverine says:
uh huh. 15 or 16 i think. 1972 was a leap year wasnt it.

Misty says:
i dont know.... i could find out

Wolverine says:
dont bother - i know it was

Misty says:
those dreams all happened during a leap year didnt they

Wolverine says:
uh huh. i just now realized that.

Misty says:
that's kinda spooky

Wolverine says:
yeah... im kinda spooked myself right now, although i never had a feeling like that during the dreams. i'll be back - i need a smoke

Misty says:
dont you smoke inside?

Wolverine says:
yeah, but i have to go buy a pack

Misty says:
ok ill be here... just let me know when youre back

Wolverine says:
ok... brb

That was a lie. I had smokes, but I wanted (needed) an excuse to go for a walk. I had to think, and I had to get out of that house.

I made a line for the front door, and was quickly down the steps and into the mid January air. I hadn’t stopped long enough to put on a coat and the cold snapped me back to reality.

I started walking north along Robinson Street, and made a quick scan over my shoulder. To my relief, there didn't appear to be any un-dead blonde chicks following me. And if George Romero’s films have taught me anything, if there was one I should be able to easily outrun her (I always wondered what all the screaming was about in Night of the Living Dead… damn, girl, just walk away ~ those zombies aren’t moving very fast!).

I turned the corner onto Park Street, my breath coming in thick white clouds. I thought over the internet conversation i'd just had, wondering what it all meant. Who was she, this girl that came to me in my dreams. Every leap year, no less! What the hell did she want from me? Had she died? Was she trying to tell me that?

Some of the pieces of the puzzle fit into place. If she was supposed to have been born in 1972 she would have been the right age in each of the dreams. And the fact that she was unable to speak could be because she had died at some point, and could no longer communicate in a normal way. But why was she coming to me? Was she visiting anyone else while they slept?

This puzzle was like one bought for 25 cents at a yard sale. Sure, the picture on the box might be pretty… but, dammit, several of the pieces were missing.

After a half an hour of meandering through side streets I headed towards home. Maybe, in resuming my conversation with Misty, I could find some of those missing pieces.

I got back to the house and flipped lights on as I went through the hallway, kitchen and into the computer room. Ghosts hate lights, right? I suppose if they have mastered the art of haunting, then turning off light switches or blowing the fusebox out wouldn't pose much of a problem for them - but of course I wasn't thinking about that. Lights make the heebie jeebies go away, and that was all I cared about at the time.

I sat down, lit a fresh cigarette, and picked up our conversation where it left off...

Wolverine says:
hey you still there?

About a minute went by before she answered, and then...

Misty says:
i'm here. how far is the store from your place anyways?

Wolverine says:
its only 5 minutes, but i went for a walk

Misty says:
i see. is it cold up there?

Wolverine says:
kinda, but i didn't wear a coat

Misty says:
really? didn't you freeze?

Wolverine says:
contrary to popular opinion, we don't all live in igloos and eat whale blubber here

Misty says:
very funny smartass

Wolverine says:
why do people keep calling me that?!? hey... any more thoughts about those dreams and who she might be?

Misty says:
maybe she's your soul mate - your literal dream girl

Wolverine says:
i doubt that... my dream girl is jennifer love-hewitt... and besides, the girl in my dream is a blonde, and i'm not into blondes.

Misty says:
hey!!! i'm a blonde!

Wolverine says:
well, you are an exception of course

Misty says:
i almost believe that... so what's wrong with blondes?

Wolverine says:
i dont know... i mean it's not that i hate them... i'm just attracted to someone with dark hair... i could ask you why girls like sean connery and harrison ford!

Misty says:
i dont know... because they are sexy and charming?

Wolverine says:
and somewhere in the range of 70 years old!

Misty says:
i dont know... theres just something about guys like that... they have a certain confidence that makes them sexy

Wolverine says:
exactly. why do girls like distinguished 70 year old gray haired actors? why do i prefer brunettes to blondes? why do i keep dreaming about someone i haven't met? it's a mystery.

Misty says:
there must be a reason why people are attracted to certain types though... maybe its psychological

Wolverine says:
i think its got something to do with the fact that i grew up surrounded by blondes... my mom... my sister... my aunts... all blonde... i suppose brunettes are more of a mystery to me - something different.

Misty says:
so if your family are all blondes, and the girl in the dreams is... you said that there was nothing sexual about the dreams... that she felt more like a sister or something - did anyone die in your family a long time ago?

Wolverine says:
not that i know of. no - i think i would know if they had.

Misty says:
maybe she's an angel

Wolverine says:
she didn't look like an angel

Misty says:
what does an angel look like?

Wolverine says:
ahh... good point. i know that in the bible it says there are angels among us, that we might be talking to them and not even know it. but why would an angel show up in my dreams, instead of just coming to me in real life?

Misty says:
dont know... another mystery i guess

Wolverine says:
plus, if it was an angel, you would think she would have something important to say, instead of just standing there staring at me like a mute.

Misty says:
uh huh. anything is possible i guess. well if i think of anything else i'll let you know. i really should try and get some sleep - another 12 hour shift tomorrow hon.

Wolverine says:
ok. didnt realize it was getting so late. g'nite xo

Misty says:
sweet dreams

Wolverine says:
u2

Later on, as I lay in my bed upstairs, I thought about everything that was said. I still wondered who she was, this girl I have labeled Gabriela. But as I put the pieces together I now had at least the beginnings of what she was, and maybe even why...

The constant circumstances under which each of my dreams occurred led me to a few conclusions.

For one thing, it was always snowing while I had the dreams. And each time she transmitted to me a feeling of total serenity, a calmness, in locations that otherwise would have been hectic, rushed and cluttered with the hassles of everyday life. A comforting feeling I imagine must be like that of being in the womb.

That, in combination with the fact that she couldn't actually talk to me (although she seemed to want to) makes me believe that she is not living now. Maybe she was at some point, but I doubt that too, because she doesn't have a name. Sure, I pinned 'Gabriela' on her, but she really doesn't have a name, and I don't think she lived long enough to have been given one.

The image of the river - the water specifically - also harkens to the womb as well.

It would be easy to give the cliched explanations of who she is... a guardian angel... a soul mate... even just the feminine side of myself, but I after thinking through those options - none seem to feel right.

One possibility keeps coming to my thoughts, and to me makes sense...

Epilogue

It is an autumn afternoon, in 1971. The street is empty, saved for a few drying leaves recently blown free of trees that were their home for the summer.

Although Thanksgiving has just passed, we see a 15 year old girl who doesn't feel thankful. She stands on the sidewalk, wearing a light coat protecting her against the October air. She glances at her watch (again), pulls her hood over her blonde hair, and returns her hands to her coat pockets. She spys a woman pushing a baby carriage on the opposite sidewalk, and quickly looks up the street again.

It's 1:30 pm. She should be in school on this Tuesday, but who gives a damn about isosceles triangles or Shakespeare. If Lady MacBeth has bloody hands, she can damn well wash it off without her having to read about it. Something heavier is on this teen's mind today.

The bus finally pulls up to the curb, and she gets on. She drops her 30 cents into the moneybox, as the driver gives her a studied look.

"No school today?"

"No, I have the flu" she lies, "Do you go to the hospital?"

"Yep, should be there in about 20 minutes"

Although she avoids eye contact, he notices the redness in hers, and believes her.

Thankfully the bus is empty, and she takes a seat at the back.

The ride feels longer than 20 minutes, but another check of her watch tells her it's only been 10 minutes so far. She watches the houses as they pass, wishing this day would just be over. At one point the bus stops briefly, next to an elementary school playground. She sees the now empty school yard, and absently places her hands on her stomach.

Can't he go any faster, she wonders.

Finally, as the bus crests a hill she sees the red brick of the hospital. She pulls the cord. The bell signal drives through her like a knife. Every sound... every person... everything is annoying her today. She wishes she was home under the covers, and that this was done.

An hour later she's warm in her bed. She tell's the same 'flu' lie to her mother when she comes home from work, and once again she's convincing. It's not hard to be believable with a stuffy nose and red eyes.

Her mother tells her to try and get some sleep, and closes the bedroom door behind her.

No sooner does the door shut, than she buries her head in the pillow and cries. About an hour later, with her pillow and hair wet with tears, she finally sleeps.

While she sleeps, she dreams. She is an adult in the dream, and there is someone else with her - a girl about 15 years old. She doesn't know who this girl is, but she looks familiar... almost like herself, actually. The girl has the same blonde hair and pretty features. They are standing on the sidewalk facing each other at a distance. This stranger tells her (but she's not speaking?!?) that it is ok now. 'Everything is alright, and I'm safe, warm and happy. I love you, and don't blame you for what you thought you had to do. And with that last thought, she smiles and turns around... and walks west.

When she awoke the next morning, she felt a lot better, and she went back to school. She never told her boyfriend about what she did yesterday. It wasn't his anyways, and she knew he would kill the guy if he found out how it happened. She just wanted everything to go back to normal... and it did.

And she never again dreamt of the girl who would have been her daughter.

~ The End... ?

Author's note:

The entire Gabriela series is as near to fact as I can remember it. I did however take some liberties with the conversation between myself and Misty (not her real on-line name), but I tried to get the general feeling of the conversation down (i'm not anal enough to have remembered the entire conversation word-for-word, and at the time the ability to save your conversations on msn was not available... or if it was I did not take advantage of it).

The Epilogue portion is just one posiblity that I could envision for where Gabriela came from or who she is. I hope it doesn't come off sounding preachy or political ~ it's not my intent to use my blog as a platform to make pro-choice or anti-abortion statements... but if you want to discuss that topic, I would be happy to talk about it privately.

And the story may not be over. If the current pattern continues, I might see about her again before the end of 2004 (in my dreams that is, and no doubt during a snowfall).

And if I do dream about Gabriela again, you can make-book on it becoming the focus of another blog entry.

~Ciao

Post Script...

Obviously, 2004 has since passed... and the year concluded without any visit from Gabriela... at least that I can be sure of. Time marches on and I await another appearance of her in my dreams...

Gabriela ~ Part V

2007-01-08T12:06:00.000-04:00

Thursday, September 30, 2004

Gabriela ~ Part V

(Authors Note: This is part five, of a six part series, on a sequence of seemingly related dreams I've been having. They feature what I believe could be the same person, unknown to me... i think. This was supposed to be a five part story, but as I continue writing, the length has dictated an extra installment. Part VI will follow.)

"Wake me up
Wake me up inside
I can’t wake up
Wake me up inside
Save me
Call my name and save me from the dark
Wake me up
Bid my blood to run
I can’t wake up
Before I come undone
Save me
Save me from the nothing I’ve become... "

~ Evanescence

In the four years since my last dream of Gabriela, my life had gone through a period of upheaval. It was kind of a case of good news and bad news. The good being that I was now married. I'd found someone who accepted me for me, and who I could totally be myself with. I was happy. On the flip side of that, everything came crashing around me when my brother Jeff died, the victim of a horrible accident. Having been separated by only 16 months in age, we had grown up very close.

Through this state of conflicting emotions, I had a fourth dream of Gabriela.

At least I believe I did.

In early 2000 I awoke one morning with the feeling (knowledge) that she had once again paid me a visit as I slept. Unfortunately, I had no recollection of even the most minute detail of that dream/vision. In fact when I tried to remember - searching deeply into my mind - all I could muster was a dark void.

Blackness.

It was as though closing my eyes in a dark room at midnight. I wasn't that my memory was blank, per say. There was something there, only hidden from view. I would liken it to those blacked out sections of a top secret CIA document. The words are there, only impossibly hidden behind that blackened section.

I was frustrated, even to the point of anger. And I directed this emotion at the one person (who might not even be a real person) who was the object of my visions, Gabriela. If she was trying to communicate something to me, she sure as hell wasn't doing a very good job of it.

At first, I thought it was like my father always said, "If you can't remember what you were going to say, then it must not have been too important!". But on second thought, it may have been my mother who had it right here, "If you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all." Maybe what Gabriela had told me in the fourth dream, if anything, was something I couldn't handle knowing?

Either way, she had come to me again, but this time I learned nothing new. All that I did know, was that it had snowed during the night.
_________________________________

By late 2001 I had gone through a couple of setbacks in life. Firstly, I was accepted to study English and History at Atlantic Baptist University, only to have my loan application be rejected. It seemed as though my aspirations of becoming a teacher were dashed, and my writing skills would have to be developed on my own without formal training. Secondly, I had exited my marriage (on my own volition) and had to readjust to single life. It was as though my entire life had flipped upside down... and inside out, in just a couple of years.

I had moved into a duplex in downtown Moncton, and was now sub-renting a room each to my brother and cousin. It was a good arrangement - we split the costs on most things. I provided the cable t.v., and my cousin had a computer.

It wasn't long before I finally got with the times and started surfing the net. One of the most amazing features, i found, was the ablility to instantly talk to people all over the world. I quickly made many friends via instant messenger and chat rooms. People I had never met, and likely never would, were now considered friends. Amazing.

One person I had met on an internet chat room was 'Misty'. I logged onto instant messenger one night early in 2002, and struck up a conversation with her that led to some interesting revelations about my Gabriela dreams. Keep in mind, until then, I hadn't fully recounted the details to anyone, or even written them down. As much as I was telling her about them, I was telling myself about them at the same time. Putting the words and down on the screen gave me a fresh perspective on their possible meaning, and even a clue as to who their main character might be.

And on that wintry night, as I sat alone in the old duplex in front of my monitor, Misty came on line and said hello...

~To be continued...

Argh

2007-01-05T20:39:00.000-04:00

Yeah, so I quit smoking recently. On and off, I have been smoking for about 19 years... but continuously for the past 5 or so...

Oddly enough, the first couple of days were relatively easy.

But... it's been over a week and tonight I feel like punching someone in the face... maybe I had better stay inside rather than risk a confrontation with another human being.

Moohaha.

Ah, well... the cravings come and go and as long as I remind myself that that first one will taste like shit, then I should be ok.

It was fun while it lasted - I really enjoyed smoking... but when I started breathing funny I got helluh scared. Oxygen is a nice thing to be able to take into the lungs naturally... I really don't wanna be doing it through a tube, and despite Dennis Leary's funny bit on smokers... a voice box isn't funny in the real world... nor a traecheotomy.

So here I am... a non smoker. I gained 15 lbs in December... probably most of that in the last couple weeks... but I can and will lose it again. It's a lot easier to lose some body fat than a bunch of cancer cells.

If you are reading this and have never smoked... don't. It's not worth it and eventually you will want to quit or wish you had never started. I'll consider myself lucky if this thing growing in my neck isn't cancerous... but I would be willing to bet everything that it was caused by my smoking.

~later

2006 Top 50 Songs

2006-12-31T23:59:00.000-04:00

Here is my annual list of favorite songs. Maybe not all from this year, but each had significant meaning to me... or maybe I just liked them cause they're throwaway pop and have a catchy beat. Some are awesome and timeless... some may never be heard on the radio... some may suck in 5 years when I listen to them again... but in 2006... they all rocked.

Through Glass - Stone Sour
Wings of a Butterfly - HIM
Leave the Pieces - The Wreckers
In the Name of Tragedy - Motörhead
Disposable Teens - Marilyn Manson
Hallowed Be Thy Name - Iron Maiden
Tribute - Tenacious D
Toxicity - System of a Down
Snakes on a Plane (Bring It) - Cobra Starship
Neon Knights - Black Sabbath
Her Ghost in the Fog - Cradle of Filth
Where Are We Runnin'? - Lenny Kravitz
777 - Danzig
Cigarettes - The Wreckers
Animal I Have Become - Three Days Grace
Blind in Texas - W.A.S.P.
Light My Candle - Adam Pascal & Rosario Dawson
Trashed, Lost & Strungout - Children of Bodom
Things I'll Never Say (Acoustic) - Avril Lavigne
Breadfan - Metallica
Nymphetamine - Cradle of Filth
Black No. 1 (Little Miss Scare-All) - Type O Negative
Stand Still, Look Pretty - The Wreckers
Way Back Home - The Wreckers
Scars - Papa Roach
Zippo - Corrosion of Conformity
Uninvited - Alanis Morissette
Are You Ready - Three Days Grace
Wake Up - Three Days Grace
Let it Be - Beatles
Remedy - Seether
Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac
Hung Up - Madonna
L.A. Woman - The Doors
The Good Kind - The Wreckers
Doth I Protest Too Much - Alanis Morissette
Piece of My Heart - Janis Joplin
Don't Cha - Pussycat Dolls Featuring Busta Rhymes
Children of the Grave - White Zombie
Love Bites - Judas Priest
Save Me - Shinedown
Mercedes Benz - Janis Joplin
Forgiven (Acoustic) - Alanis Morissette
Burn in Hell - Dimmu Borgir
Take This Life - In Flames
Crawlin' - Alice Cooper
When the Music's Over - The Doors
Sway - Coal Chamber
Just Like You - Three Days Grace
Angelfuck - The Misfits

2006 Album of the Year

It was a tough choice to pick just one this year... so I am listing my Top 3.

1. The Wreckers - Stand Still, Look Pretty

An effort combining the talents of Michelle Branch and Jessica Harp. I always loved Michelle Branch's voice, so when I heard she was doing a country record I had to check it out. I played the hell outta this album last summer. It helped me through the most painful time of my life. Thanks ladies. Your angelic voices made a difference to me.

2. HIM - Dark Light

It's hard to believe these guys have been around for over 10 years. This is the first record I heard from them... and it is solid and listenable all the way through.

3. Alanis Morissette - Jagged Little Pill Acoustic

Same songs as Jagged Little Pill 11 years ago... same order... just done with a slightly different rearrangement. I hadn't heard the album in so long... so it was a really cool experience hearing it again acoustically. I might like this version even better... I have listened to this one so many times that when I hear something from the original it sounds foreign to me.

Gabriela ~ Part IV

2006-12-31T08:24:00.000-04:00

Sunday, September 12, 2004

Gabriela ~ Part IV

Author's Note: This is part four of a six part series. They are stories about connected dreams I have been having. If you want to read the whole thing, you can find the first three parts on this site. Part V will be coming soon.

___________________________
"The wind cries her name in the breeze
But I can't hold her anymore
Some fallen angel had come to me
And fell too heavy on my soul
And stole from me the love that I heard
Lords of time say never die
And she said - don't cry for me, 'cause I'll be
Riding the wind forever free
High in the wind forever free
I'll ride the wind forever free
High in the wind forever free
Forever free"
~Blackie Lawless, 1989.
__________________

In late 1996 I landed a pretty good job in Moncton, and moved my meager belongings from the Miramichi into a tiny bachelor apartment. It was on Oakland Avenue, a street that runs parallel to Mountain Road - one of the three main arteries that slice through the city.

The panoramic scenery through my lone picture window was less than spectacular. From my vantage point I could see a bowling alley, liquor store, a McDonald's, Burger King, Pizza Hut, and other assorted restaurants, service stations, and convenience stores. Within a couple of blocks you could find a drug store, a movie rental place, a couple of churches, an adult video and toy store, and a high school. Everything a person needed for survival was within a stones throw of my apartment. I was smack in the middle of commercial central, and one of the busiest retail areas in the province.

Despite the routine chaos outside (it was getting more hurried as Christmas approached) I found it was especially quiet one evening in December. It was snowing lightly, and I assume people opted to stay home by the fire, instead of venturing out on slippery roads. The fat flakes fell lazily that night, as if even they were not really in a hurry to be anywhere.

On this evening I repeated my ritual trinity of plugging in the Christmas lights (and turning off all the other lights), putting on some music, and relaxing from the day's work at the office with a steaming cup of hot chocolate.

The lights on my tree were of the non-blinking, multi-colored variety. If there's one thing I can't stand on a Christmas tree, it's the blandness of white lights. I realize that many people are following that current trend, but I grew up with a more festive multi-glow tree. Old habits are like the villain at the end of a horror movie - they die hard.

My music of choice that season was Amy Grant's 'Home For Christmas' album. The track 'Breath of Heaven (Mary's Song)' is both haunting in tone and powerful lyrically. It is written from the perspective of the teenager whose burden it was to give birth to the child who would save all of humanity. That's a lot of pressure. When I was her age, all I wanted to do was master parallel parking!

The hot chocolate I was drinking was the instant kind - something from a can. The label proudly boasted "Now With Marshmallows!". I presumed that the marshmallows, the marketing department at Carnation was making reference to, were the hard little white bits scattered throughout the brown chocolate dust. They were something akin to what you would find in a box of Lucky Charms, assuming that is that you don't have children who have already robbed the box of all but the cereal. I guess you can freeze dry anything.

As I sat tuned to Ms. Grant rehashing Winter Wonderland, and my tastebuds tuned to the chocolate and pseudo marshmallows, i looked out the picture window onto a virtual postcard. Every surface was covered in a thick coating of white, like too much frosting on a gingerbread house.

The only light inside my apartment, aside from the tree, was from the streetlamp casting its glow. It reflected white from the blanketed surfaces, and the snowflakes as they meandered their way earthward. Looking up, I could see the the light losing it's battle with the snow as it fought to reach skyward. Any stars that might be up there, were eliminated from view. The sky's low ceiling gave the outdoors that surreal indoor feeling.

When the hot chocolate eventually gave out, I went to bed feeling thoroughly comforted in that atmosphere. The snow and sky closing in, surrounding all like a thick wooly blanket of white(minus the itching, that often accompanies a wool anything). The whole city seemed wrapped and protected, like in the womb we all start life in. The safest warmest place, and the one time we are guaranteed never to be alone. Before we are brought naked, bloody and crying into this sometimes cold unforgiving world.

I lay there, thinking about what it must have been like for the teenaged Mary. Still practically a kid herself when one night an angel gave her that shocking newsflash. It took me a couple driving tests to pass the parallel parking when I was 16. Her 'test' was one she had to get right the first time ~ for that one, there were no rewrites.

I drifted off to sleep.

Suddenly - I am looking up, laying flat on my back... the covers pulled up to my chin. The streetlamp that it seemed only moments before had cast a whitish aura, now illuminates everything in a robin's egg blue. The light reaches into my apartment from the window to my left, and onto a person standing to my right.

The presence of someone in my apartment (of which I was the sole resident) in the middle of the night should have sent me into immediate action ~ leaping out of bed and grabbing the baseball bat that I kept (by the door) for just such an occasion. Of course, softball is it's primary function. Nevertheless, I was quite anxious to see what would happen when an Easton aluminum bat connected with an intruder's testicles at roughly 50 miles per hour.

However, as I glance up at this individual, I see that it wouldn't be necessary. Or even possible. This person isn't equipped with the right parts for a that little experiment, because it is a she that stands there beside my bed. Though i should have been totally freaked out, I was not
startled at all - just filled with a sense of calm, and that I didn't want the feeling to end.

And besides, it's someone I have seen before.

It is Gabriela.

She looks far more beautiful than in our previous encounters. If ever you could've made a comparison to her being an angel, it was now. Here in this pale blue aura that surrounded her.
She is in her mid twenties, and has that same long golden blonde hair, a little longer now, past the midway point of her back. She's wearing a long flowing gown over her slender figure, with oversized sleeves of a near transparent silkish material. It seemed to absorb the very light into itself.

I am comforted by her being there.

She looks so tall standing above me (i'm lying on my back, remember). She gives me that same smile again. The Mona Lisa smile. And she sends me an ESP like transmission from her thoughts, to my mind, that everything is OK.

She is actually telling me that she is OK, and not to worry about her when she's gone. She cannot stay, but she doesn't want me to feel sad about that. She tells me all this, and for the third time, I do not hear her actual voice. It's as though she wants to talk to me, and cannot in the normal sense. In this quandary, she has found an alternate method of communication that suits her purpose just fine, thank you very much.

Gabriela then moves, gracefully, and is leaning over me.

She leans way down, and we are nearly touching.

I think she kisses me on the forehead or cheek, but I realize she only wanted to. Again, something is preventing her chosen form of expression, and she must transmit her intent instead of acting on it. In the same way that she cannot actually speak, and cannot really smile, she cannot physically touch me.

But she wanted to, of that I feel no doubt.

There is nothing sexual to the vision. She is there to comfort me, and let me know that everything is alright with her. In a way beyond our most base urges to express physical love - although part of me sure does want to burst out of that dream and hold her for real. But I am content to just be in her presence.

Then as quickly as she began, Gabriela withdraws from the near kiss... the almost embrace... and stands up again. From the moment she appeared in my apartment until now, only about 30 seconds have passed - but it felt longer.

And the dream ends.

She didn't dissappear, or walk west this time. It just ended there - with her standing beautifully at my bedside, bathed in an aura of blue light.

And still my question was left unanswered. Likely, because that question had gone unasked.
Dammit, truth be told there were many questions I wanted answers to. I wanted to know who she was and where she came from. I wanted to know where she went when she left. And above all, if the hunch I had was right about all of the above.

In the end, it would be another few years before I settled on the answers for myself. First, in 2000 when I had a dream that I couldn't remember. And then in 2002, when an innocent conversation on msn messenger made a chill run up my spine, and the hair stand on the back of my neck.

~ To be continued...

My Christmas Letter 2006

2006-12-22T14:45:00.000-04:00

Another year is coming to a close, and I would like to take this opportunity to wish everyone reading this a happy Christmas and a hope that 2007 is a great year for you.

2006 was an interesting year.

I began the year working at ICT - it marked the 10th year of working in a call centre environment and I was definetly feeling the burnout from it. If you work in a place like that, or have in the past... you understand what it is like. The work environment in a call center has positives, such as the chance to meet many people and create new friendships... but it is also ripe with stress and is highly demanding mentally. If I had a nickle for everytime I witnessed someone leave the call floor in tears... well, I wouldn't be rich... but I could easily afford a trip to the vending machine for a snack and a drink. Nevertheless, I soldiered on in what felt like a go nowhere job for the first half of the year. It was close to where I lived and I had weekends off... so I was resigned to the fact that this was what I had to do to survive.

In the summertime my living situation deteriorated and I took stress leave from work. I took a few much needed trips with my Dad... the biggest of those was to the Oxford 250 at Oxford Plains Speedway in Maine. It was a fun trip... driving all night to get there, and spending the day at the racetrack. We got to see three Nextel Cup drivers there also - Kyle Busch, J.J. Yeley, and Denny Hamlin all competed in the race. Former race champion and Nextel Cup star Ricky Craven was there also, but did not have a very good day this time around. The 2006 edition of the race marked the 9th time I made the trip south... and I am looking forward to going again. The next time I hope to go with Nancy so she can experience the fun first hand. We have watched a few races together on television... and she patiently sat through them... but as anyone who loves racing knows - there is nothing like being there in person.

We attended a couple other races - one at Scotia Speedworld in Halifax and another at the newly rebuilt Riverside Speedway in Antigonish, NS. I was going to see a fourth race, in Fredericton, but opted to remain behind at my parent's house in Miramichi for a break and much needed alone time.

It was around this time that my parents and I decided that the best thing to do was to move back to their place (in Miramichi) until I could decide what to do with my future. Thanks to my Mom's prompting I looked into going back to school and got accepted into N.B.C.C. Miramichi to study in the fall of '07.

In September I met Nancy, whom I had been chatting with online for a few months. The plan for me was just to meet her for a coffee - I was moving to Miramichi that day and had my first load of stuff in the car, so I was not intending to form a romantic relationship with someone just before i moved away (for anyone that does not know, Miramichi is about a 2 hour drive north of Moncton).

We met and spent a great night driving all over the city. We passed the same landmarks several times - neither one of us in any hurry to end the evening. I think I went through three extra large coffees during the night, and we ended up at the wharf at Pointe-du-Chene... listening to the water, looking at the stars and trying to stay warm. Now it's three months later... seeing each other when we can and planning for the future. She will graduate from her Criminology course this summer and I will start post secondary in the fall. It looks like a bright future ahead for both of us.

Now, as I prepare to leave for a week in Grand-Sault at her parents' house... i look forward to a new year and the possibilities it brings.

Happy Christmas and have an awesome 2007 everyone!

Joyeuse fêtes!

Gabriela ~ Part III

2006-12-19T09:03:00.000-04:00

Originally posted on Thursday, September 09, 2004

Gabriela ~ Part III

Author's Note: This is part three of six parts in a series about connected dreams I have been having. Parts I and II are posted previously on this blog, if you are interested in reading the commentary from the beginning. Part IV will follow soon.

___________________________

"If you want to, I can save you~
I can take you away from here.
So lonely inside,
So busy out there~
And all you wanted was somebody who cares.

Please can you tell me,
So I can finally see~
Where you go when you're gone."

~ Michelle Branch

Dream Interlude

I stabbed my index finger at the power button, and pushed play. Sounds of Whiteheart’s Tales of Wonder album filled the small room, as I jotted notes in my journal (I always like background music while I write). I was putting thoughts to paper, perhaps as a reminder, later on, of what was happening in my life in this, the late summer of 1995.

The days were still quite hot - the sun burning an invisible wave through the cloudless blue sky. But here, in my father’s modest office, it was comfortable. It was closing on the dinner hour, and the evenings were cooling with autumn air that was eating away at what remained of summer days. It served notice that it would soon erase all hope of summer by swallowing whole what remained.

I wasn’t paying much attention to the music playing – it was just there as background noise. I only really noticed it when the gears of the stereo began their perfunctory clicking sound (the stereo’s annoying way of saying it’s time to flip over the cassette), and I put the tape on side ‘B’. I continued writing.

And then the 9th track began playing. It held such a haunting quality to me that I dropped my pen to the paper, leaned back, and just listened to the beautiful and calming sound. When the song finished, I immediately hit rewind and played it again. I closed my eyes, taking in every note - every word. I repeated this process several times. With each repetition I felt more of that same sense of calm that my two dreams had held.

The dreams of the two attractive blondes - one in 1988, and the other in 1992.

One girl was in her mid teens, and the second around twenty. The latter was a little taller, and had longer hair - which was straight, and minus the 80's permed look that was, like, so popular back then.

It was while listening to this song (which was titled Gabriela*, by the way) that i sat and reflected on those dreams, and (more specifically) on the girls who were the central characters in them.

That was when a spark of inspiration and clarity came over me. Could those girls be one in the same? It made sense, because the girl in the second dream was roughly four years older than the first. Her hair was longer and the style had changed, but whose doesn't over four years.

The song Gabriela describes a girl who comes to the songwriter in the night. He's referring to his ideal woman, but the imagery envokes (for me) an angelic like figure, who brings a sense of calm to one's world while they sleep. I figured that since I didn't have a name for the anonymous cute blonde in my dreams, Gabriela would be as good a pseudonym as any.

And another idea flickered in my mind, too. Something that might explain her inability to speak, her lack of a name and why she seemed unable to smile - but so desperately wanted all three. It was as though she wanted to break free of the dream world she was cast into, but it wasn't possible - or maybe permitted.

I tucked this second idea away in my mind, and held onto it tightly. I wasn't sure if it was true, or even likely, but wanted to keep it there - filed away for future reference. I didn't know if I would ever see her again, but just in case I had something I wanted to ask her if I did.

*I wanted to put the lyrics to 'Gabriela' on this entry, but I cannot find them anywhere on the internet, and my cassette copy is long since lost. ~M

~To be continued

Gabriela ~ Part II

2006-12-16T07:45:00.000-04:00

This is a reprint of a post from my old blog. It is part 2 in a series of 6.

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Gabriela ~ Part II

Author's note: This post is part two of six parts in a series. It concerns a series of dreams i have been having. Part one is called "Gabriela", and can be found on this site, if you would like to read the story from the beginning.

_____________________________________
"I'm shook up, paralyzed by her icy stare
Long legs and golden hair

Late night love is on my mind
She took me by surprise...

and I'm spellbound

I'm on a one way ride to where I just don't know
She put a spell on me,
The fantasy comes and goes..."

~Triumph

In 1992 I was 23 years old, and living in the basement of my parent's house in Whitney. A small place, Whitney. The 'if you blink you'll miss it' cliche applies here. It's actually about halfway between Miramichi and the sprawling metropolis of Sunny Corner, population 300.

It was the end of January, and I had spent most of the day listening to the radio blaring out blizzard warnings. While it is not uncommon to get as much as a foot of snow per storm in these parts, this one was going to be far worse. In fact, history would later call it the 'storm of the century'. Miramichi got off a little easier than Moncton, which was treated to over a metre and a half of snow (before you hit up the metric conversion website, let me save you the trouble... that's over five feet of snow folks!).

It was on the first night of these successive blizzards that i had a visit from an old friend. The snow was coming steady, but not yet full force. I was lying on my bed, taking in the view from my bedroom window. And, in this relative calm before the storm, i fell asleep...

...I am on the Douglastown side of the Miramichi River, about a quarter mile west of the Centennial Bridge (A structure built quite high, allowing for tankers and cargo ships to pass beneath). I am standing on the south side shoulder of the King George Highway (the main secondary highway that passes through Miramichi, running parallel to city's namesake river).

It is nighttime. And although the sky is coal black and starless, below it's a different story. Lights from the bridge and the town of Chatham (on the rivers south side) cast longish glows out and across the dead calm river. White, orange and blue lit reflections give the river, and the night, a festive feel. But once again, as in my dream four years previous, everything feels still. Deserted. Miramichi has suddenly gone from a population in excess of 20 thousand, to a ghost town.

Next I suddenly find myself standing on the crest of the gradually sloping grassy embankment. I am now about 100 feet from the river's edge. I lift my gaze up, from the water, to the bridge. My eyes focus on something at the apex of the bridge's curve, and I find that I am (once again) not alone here afterall. Standing on the wrong side of the guard rails, far above the black water, is a solitary figure.

My mind barely has time to register that he (or she) is in a precarious position (i'm none to fond of heights, and my knees weaken at just recalling it) when the figure raises his (or her) arms and performs a textbook swan dive. This person arrows straight towards the water, hands first, and makes a beautiful rip into the river(10's all around, judges) with only a small aftersplash and the ensuing ripples radiating out in perfectly concentric orbs.

My first thought after witnessing this stunt is that the person must be dead, if not terribly disfigured. (Imagine your body excellerating and smacking through a thick layer of glass at roughly 80 mph, peeling flesh from your bones. Ouch.) Although a little frightened of what I will find, I sprint down the grassy incline.

At first I see nothing but the unusually flat surface of the water. The river's skin looks like grave stone quality black marble. Our mystery person might as well have smacked head first into marble. It would have been about as forgiving as the water from that height.

Then I see an arm break the surface, about 20 yards out. I am put more at ease when other body parts begin to show themselves, and they appear to be in working order and in the proper places. And I am further relieved when the figure (whose limbs are still attached, and in the right order) begins swimming towards me.

Now standing very close to the river's edge, I extend an arm to the approaching swimmer, and the person grasps my hand (I now see that he or she is most definetly the latter). I attempt to pull her up out of the water to the safety of the embankment, and it is effortless. She stands up, and walks across the pebble strewn ground.

I then have to turn around to face her, because my dream has taken one of those typical hiccups where, without warning, the scene jumps forward (the Dream Editor left too much on the cutting room floor for my liking). As I turn, she is now on my left, and a little further up the crest.

I take a good look at this girl, rescuer facing the rescued (although i felt even then, that she really didn't need my help to get out of the water). She is on the attractive side of the 'looks' scale, about 5'8" with long straight blonde hair. It is past her shoulders, falling lightly against her mid back. I guess her age at around 20, although maybe she only looks that. And I would estimate she weighs about 120 pounds 'soaking wet'.

Then it dawns on me that she shows no signs of just having taken a fully clothed midnight dip in the Miramichi River. She has either stood on the business end of an industrial strength pavement dryer, or changed her clothes faster than a nose candy addled Paris runway model.

I feel an urge to speak with her, but we just look at each other. She is shorter than my 5'9", but seems taller, because she is now even further up the embankment. No words are passed between us verbally, but she gives me that Mona Lisa smile and tells me that everything is OK. At that moment a sense of contentment flows through every cell of my body.

I desperately want to know more about her, but before anything can be said she turns, and starts walking up to the edge of the road.

She begins walking west, along the shoulder, with lights from the shopping center illuminating the background.

She vanishes.

I do not recall waking up at that moment, but this is where the dream ends. Even the next day I did not see an immediate connection between this dream, and the one that I had had four years before.

That light bulb went off years later. For one thing, the girl in this dream was older than the one in the first. Her hair was longer too. And she was a little taller.

Little details.

Details that would make sense to me four years later, when my new (imaginary?) friend would pay me another visit.

To be continued...

Battle

2006-12-13T19:34:00.000-04:00

"I am faced with the demons that I have conjured myself. Unaided I will defeat each one till I am all that stands. The battle may be a lengthy and harsh but if I do not give up I have a chance in living again. There are times I know I will want to give up but with those I love cheering me on, the combat will not be so brutal. I do this for those you have fought and lost and for those you have always been there for me. I do not want to disappoint either but most of all myself. I do not want my demons to win. This is MY life and they will NOT take it."

~NJM

Gabriela ~ Part I

2006-12-12T23:32:00.000-04:00

Welcome to my dream world. If there is one thing I love to post on here... it has to be the contents of my dreams. I have always been fascinated by the goings on in my mind while I sleep... and often there are things in there not quite as appetizing as sugar plums. (I googled it... and yes, there is such a thing as a sugar plum.) Sometimes my dreams are frightening... sometimes they are happy... sometimes manic... here is the first post in a series I blogged a couple of years ago about recurring dreams I have had.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Gabriela ~ Part I

Author's Note: This is number one of six parts, concerning a series of dreams I have had. I will publish the remaining parts as time warrants.

_____________________________________

"All of the memories, so close to me
just fade away...

All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending"

~Avril Lavigne

Dreams vary in their intensity. Sometimes they are vivid and you wake up still feeling in the moment, not completely sure it even was a dream. Very often they fade quickly, and it becomes hard (or even impossible) to recount the details even an hour later. The images fading transparent, then lost to the subconscious forever.

Sometimes they are a story unto themselves, thick with ever changing characters, plotlines and different settings. These ones may have a moment of crisis and a climax too. This is often the point of waking. You are not actually falling, or being chased, but now safe under the covers of your own bed (or in the case of falling, possibly looking up from the floor in a half asleep daze!).

While some dreams are methodical and make sense, others are but a series of seemingly unrelated snapshots. Rapidly flashing images - moments in time. And still others involve having your wildest fantasies fulfilled (waking up just before the good stuff happens, and trying desperately to go back to sleep and re-engage in whatever activity with that oh-so-hot member of the opposite sex!).

And some dreams happen more than once.

Recurring dreams.

I have had a series of these, that although not exactly recurring (they are all quite different), they have common ties, threading their way through each.

The first of these dreams (that I have any memory of) happened when I was a college student, nineteen years old, and living away from home for the first time (in a small place called Gondola Point, east of Saint John, if that makes any difference). Although I cannot recall the exact date, it was sometime between January and March of 1988. It was winter at the time - the snow covered window to my basement apartment, that I saw upon waking the next morning, was proof enough of that.

That was the 'real world' setting, but in the dream I am...

...on West Main Street in Moncton. It's not wintertime - the green grass, and shirtsleeves I find myself in, would suggest so. I am on the sidewalk, facing west down the slope of West Main that leads towards the traffic circle. Moncton has two of these roundabout wonders, and this one is the much smaller of the two. Cutting across the center of the traffic circle in an east-west direction, is a train overpass, creating two slots for vehicles to flow through. From my vantage point I can see the northern side of the circle.

I notice that at the centre of the rotary (the hub, if you will) the grass is quite trim. This suggests it may be early summer. They usually cut this grass sometime around June, and let it grow high all summer.

Although I feel as though I am really standing here on the sidewalk, and have no knowledge I am dreaming, something strikes me as odd.

It is quiet.

The sun has yet to drop far enough to the horizon to cause me to squint, making it sometime around mid-late afternoon. It is rush hour. At this time of day the circle should be a beehive of traffic, but there is nary a vehicle to be seen (or heard).

I suppose that feeling of being alone (in the dream world) is not that unusual an occurance - but again, I did not know that I was dreaming.

And when I look straight ahead, down the slope and onto the grassy center of the circle - i see that I am not quite alone as I thought.

Standing there, about 100 yards west of me, is a solitary figure. I can see that this form is one of the female variety. And I can see her with much more clarity than our distance should allow. She appears to be in her mid-teens (maybe 16), about five foot five or six, and dirty blonde hair. Her locks are not quite shoulder length, and styled in a typical 80's perm (called a 'bob cut' back then - much like that chick's hair in the movie Dirty Dancing, only blonder).

She is looking directly at me. I am returning her stare. I feel this overwhelming desire to speak to her, but no words are coming. I want to know so much about her - her name for starters - and find myself feeling frustrated that I am unable to verbalize so much as a simple "hello". I wonder why she won't speak to me, as well. Or if she even can. Do I know her? And if not, why is she staring at me?

She just stands there, arms at her sides, and hair caught by the occasional light breeze (blowing ever-so-lightly in a south easterly direction, if that matters - and I don't think it does).

Then suddenly I realize that she is speaking to me. She is telling me that everything is OK. She says this to me (as clearly as you are reading this now), but her mouth never opens. It's like some sort of supernatural dreamtime ESP. She smiles - it's one of those Mona Lisa smiles, where her mouth doesn't open to bare her teeth. She fills me with a sense of calm and relief, and then, though I desperately want to reach out to her, I am content to just stand there in her presence.

Then she moves suddenly, turning around, and starts walking west across the grass. After no more that a few steps in that direction, she fades quickly.

I am awakened to the 'real world' again, to realize it was only a dream i'd had. It was almost like a vision, but definitely not real.

Over the next few years my mind would occasionally go back to this dream. Wondering if it meant anything at all. And wondering if the girl who was at the center of it all was real, or simply someone fictionalized by my imagination.

The years went by, but I did not forget her.

And by the time I was 23...

I would find out she hadn't forgotten me either.

To be continued...

Done moi une pop-tart!

2006-12-12T23:25:00.000-04:00

I am tired...

...and hungry (done moi une pop-tart)

...and exhausted

...and a little sore ...

...possibly from the wake up pinch I got this morning...

it's funny how you can go thru days and weeks of monotony, and then have what seems like a million things happen all at once.

It fells like my life was in such a go nowhere rut a few months ago... and now there is plenty to do and not enough time in which to fit it all. Perhaps I am exaggerating a little... but my mind is swimming and I will definetly have to shut it off if I want to sleep tonight. And I am really exhausted and should definetly crash soon.

First of all, I am missing my girlfriend. I would love to spend more time with her. Just to be there for the normal everyday things. Like maybe one of us needs a hug. It's hard to do that a two hours' drive away from each other. I spent a great couple of days with her... but it only makes me wanna see her more when we have these short visits. I suppose Christmas will be nice, because we will have a couple weeks together. Have you ever looked into someone's eyes and just been stunned by their beauty... falling into them like they are endless... to the point of not being able to speak? She has that effect on me. No - I am not exaggerating this time. I mean it literally.

I got a call from the doctor today. I have to have surgery on my neck again. The Orthorpedist and Neurosurgeon removed a huge lump from my neck a few years ago and it has come back again. I wasn't sure if I would wake up when they put me under the knife last time... I feel a little more confident now, having gone thru it once before. It's in a bad spot, amongst several crucial arteries (are there non crucial ones?!?) and nerves that control... well... everything vital to life I suppose. I'll be in good hands, so I am not worried. As Sir Lancelot said in The Quest for the Holy Grail... "Ask me the questions Bridge Keeper - I am not afraid.". And so be it.

My High School reunion is coming up next year. I've started getting emails to that effect... looking forward to it definetly. It's been a long time since I've seen most of the people I went to school with... I find it kinda funny that I'm going back to college after the reunion. Better late than never tho. I'm excited about the future and what it holds.

Honestly too tired to think about anything else right now... so I guess I'll sign off for the evening. I should have more pictures uploaded soon. I'm debating on using the Picasa based hosting for the photo albums... I think they allow more storage - after seeing Leah's photos on there I may switch from Flickr to that.

I am going to repost my dreams of Gabriela. For anyone that is interested or hasn't read them as yet. And I would love some feedback on them.

~ciao

Noël

2006-12-09T21:31:00.000-04:00

Late at night on the 'chi.

Not really that late actually. It's only 9:3o pm, but it feels like 2 am to me right now. It's been a long day.

I'm pretty excited about tomorrow. My Sister Sue and her husband Travis are coming up here, and bringing Nancy with them. Jim and Tessa (my Brother and his other half) arrived today from Montreal. It will be the first time the whole family has been together in a long time. It gets harder as the years go by. Families tend to spread out across the Country and it's those few times you can spend together that mean so much.

I guess this will be close to all being together for Christmas, as Nancy reminds me it is not Christmas yet... but for me the season encompasses the whole month of December. It's not that I'm a big freak about it... but it does make me happy to see all the lights up... people in better moods... everything seems to hold more promise.

I had mentioned our whole family will be together. Of course that is not quite true. There will always be a void. I am still working on my tribute site for my Brother Jeff... which I started back in the summertime... and it had been put on hold for awhile... but my head is back into it again. That will probably be my next project. If anyone reading this has any memories they would like to include, please contact me and I will include them on the site. I intend for it to be a forum for anyone who knew Jeff... a place to celebrate his life... to keep his memory alive. A place that his four children may want to go someday... and spend some time in cyberspace with reflections of the Father they never knew, saved for vague memories and foggy recollections of their early childhood. They were ages 5, 4, 2 and almost one when he passed away.

My Mom has quite a large photo album full of tributes and memorials to my Brother. I will try to get that all scanned in and included on the site.

If you are spending Christmas with your family this year, enjoy every moment. Drive safely. Don't drink and drive. And have fun.

It's been 8 Christmases now without him. Miss ya man.

~J

Le Retour

2006-12-06T23:22:00.000-04:00

"Hello...

I've waited here for you...

Everlong...

Tonight...

I throw myself into
and out of the red
out of her head she sang;

Come down...
and waste away with me...

Down with me;

Slow how,

You wanted it to be -

I'm over my head, out of her head

she sang...

And I wonder...

When I sing along with you...

If everything could ever feel this real forever

If anything could ever be this good again

The only thing I'll ever ask of you

You've got to promise not to stop when I say when...

She sang"¹

Welcome to my Blog.

I finally got this thing done...

first... a couple of quick notes.

The title of my blog is a line from the Foo Fighters song Everlong, one of my favorites. I love the lyrics to it... and how it makes me feel.

I have included several links on my site... if you notice one that is not working, feel free to drop me a line and let me know so I can repair it.

I will post photos periodically... there is a link on the left to see them if you want. I have posted a few of Nancy, but will have some of my family up soon.

If you would like to sign my guestbook there is a link in the right margin at the bottom. Feel free to sign it more than once. I have a lot of time on my hands for reading right now. If you do sign my guestbook, please include your name so I know who you are.

If you would like me to add your site with a link on this page, just drop me a line. Any and all ideas and feedback are welcome.

Here is a quick update on what I have been up to since I deleted my old blog a few months ago...

In September, I moved to Miramichi to contemplate my future and where it would take me. I followed through with my applications to return to college... and a couple of weeks ago I got the thick envelope from the college, telling me even before I opened it, that I was going back to school.

I had applied to a couple of courses... this was for the Business program... and I am still waiting to find out if I got accepted into the Criminal Justice program... and then I will make my decision.

The Business Tech course would be advantageous for me, because I have already spent time in that field... and nearly completed the same course when I took it before... so that one should prove good and would probably provide more immediate results in landing a career out of college... The Criminal Justice one would probably be more interesting (less dry) and would give me with the chance to work with youth or in counselling. That's something I would find much more rewarding than wearing a tie to work 9-5 and shuffling papers around.

I guess if I end up having a decision to make... it's a good problem to have. At least I am going back to school, and I will have a better career when I get out. I'll be starting back to school in the fall of '07. In the interim I will be working up here... and all in all it will mean I am a Miramichi resident for the next two-and-a-half years.

Saweeeeet. It's really boring up here but it's also peaceful and relaxing... I miss Moncton a lot, but I may get to go back there eventually.

My girlfriend is taking a similar program to the Criminal Justice course at another college... maybe if I get into that one I will steal her text books (Insert evil laugh here). I already borrowed her Microsoft Office text so I can get a head start on perfecting the basic tools I will be using... regardless which path i choose.

For anyone that I have been out of touch with the last few months... my girlfriend's name is Nancy and we have been seeing each other for about 3 months now. Things are going great, but I hate having distance between us (she lives in Moncton). We see each other when we can and the rest of the time I miss her like crazy. It's been a long time since I was in a relationship with someone who treats me like they really wanna be with me... it's really refreshing... she has helped my self-esteem come back and treats me like a man. She's really sweet and caring too. Not to mention gorgeous. And intelligent (she'd kill me if I didn't mention that too). Gotta love a girl who has both looks and brains. Good combination. And thank goodness for technology. The ability for us to chat online and make phone calls has certainly helped. Without that, writing letters would be the only option.

That pretty much brings things up to date. It's closing in on Christmas... I've probably downloaded a hundred Christmas tunes. The decorations are mostly up... my 'rents allowed me the honor of decorating their house this year and I must say I am proud of the job so far. The atmosphere outside has definetly helped... we got a nice snowfall a couple days ago and it is like a postcard out there.

Feel free to shoot me some comments on my posts... on the tagboard... or in my guestbook. I welcome the feedback.

I'm off for now... I think I'll go outside and have a smoke before bed. I'm in the slow process of quitting... I smoke half what I did a few months ago... and hoping to kick it for good sometime in the new year.

I'll go outside and listen to the ice cracking on the river. It can sound pretty spooky to someone not familiar with the sound... just behind the house nestled in the woods... but it is a sound I had become familiar with and am now being reaquainted.

It's good to be home.

~ciao

PS. Any posts dated prior to this one were posted after this one. Examples of this could either be a post I came across from my old blog, or posts dated in content and therefore I chose to give them a different date I.E. for a post titled something like "My Favorite Movies of 1999" I would likely give a posting date of December 31st, 1999 (Not a title... just an example). If you have just read this sentence and are staring blankly at it... over and over again, trying in a vain attempt to understand wheat you have just read..... don't worry about it. Nod politely, smile and move along.

Team Loyalties

2006-12-03T16:06:00.000-04:00

Getting ready to watch the big game... Cowboys are playing the Giants at 5pm... should be a great game. It's gonna be a huge swing either way for whoever wins.

Last night the Canadiens came back from down 2 goals to beat the Leafs in a shootout.

Red Sox and Celtics also on their way up. It would be sweet if all my teams win this year... hey... it could happen. Although the Celtics winning the NBA Championship is unlikely.

NFL - In reality, the Cowboys could make it to the Superbowl this season, but the Colts are probably going to win this year. If they don't, people are going to start questioning Peyton Manning's ability to win the big game. My baby likes the Chargers... a Dallas vs. San Diego Superbowl would be sweet.

NHL - The Canadiens are one of probably 10 teams that have a legitimate shot at winning the Stanley Cup... if it was a year that wasn't pre-destined. This year reminds me of 2001, when the Colorado Avalanche were the odds on favorite... the Anaheim Ducks will win the Stanley Cup this season. Easily.

NBA - I don't follow basketball as closely as the other major team sports, but I would guess that Cleveland Cavaliers will soon be due for a title. LeBron James is the heir apparent to Michael Jordan and will lead them to Championships... this could be their year.

MLB - Yankees? Who knows. Probably. There is one thing I am sure of. I am sick of TSN broadcasting the Toronto Blue Jays as Canada's team. There may be 2 million people that live in Toronto, but it is not the centre of the universe, people. There are 28 million Canadians that do not live in that city. I hate the Blue Jays with a passion... because they have been rammed down our throats.

It is sad how athletes continually change teams. I don't get it. If I was wearing a uniform with the tradition of the Boston Red Sox, and helped the team win a title for the first time in 86 years - essentially becoming a hero in that city - I would not jump ship for another team... **cough** johnnydamon **cough cough**. I guess I can understand these moves from a players' point of view, but as a fan it is a shame that... just as you really start to love your favorite team's lineup... they change it.

Ah well. I won't be around in another 86 years... so I hope they don't take that long to win another title.

~later

Top 50 Songs of 2005

2005-12-31T23:59:00.000-04:00

Continuing with an annual tradition I started a long time ago... here are my 50 favorite songs from 2005. Many of them may not have been released this year, but they have significant meaning for me this calendar year... or perhaps it was the first time I fell in love with one of these classics. Not to say they are all worthy of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in my opinion... or the greatest songs ever written - a selection may simply appear due to it's personal significance to me this year.

This will in no way match up with any other 2005 Countdown you will hear on your local radio station or video channel.... music is art, and therefore subjective.

Without further ado... the Top Fifty.

Sabbath Bloody Sabbath - Black Sabbath

Spoke In The Wheel - Black Label Socitey

Stone the Crow - Down

Man In the Box - Alice In Chains

Broken - Seether Feat. Amy Lee

The Best of You - Foo Fighters

Rape Me - Nirvana

Hello - Evanescence

Jesus Of Suburbia - Green Day

Since You Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson

Behind These Hazel Eyes - Kelly Clarkson

Holiday - Green Day

Back to the Primitive - Soulfly

Blue Orchid - The White Stripes

Bullet With Butterfly Wings - Smashing Pumpkins

Rock and Roll - Motorhead

Pieces - Sum 41

B.Y.O.B. - System of a Down

Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day

Closer To The Heart - Rush Feat. Ed Robertson and Bubbles

Evil Woman - Black Sabbath

Paint It Black - Rolling Stones

Away From The Sun - 3 Doors Down

N.I.B. - Black Sabbath

Trippin' On A Hole In A Paper Heart - Stone Temple Pilots

Never Say Die - Black Sabbath

Life Is Killing Me - Type O Negative

Feel It - Jakalope

Breathe (2 AM) - Anna Nalick

Better Now - Collective Soul

Disappear - Hoobastank

Don't Phunk With My Heart - Black Eyed Peas

Santa Monica - Theory of a Deadman

Nobody's Home - Avril Lavigne

Ain't No Surprise - Theory of a Deadman

Breakaway - Kelly Clarkson

Ocean Avenue - Yellowcard

Hypnotize - System of a Down

Stargazer - The Tea Party

Seek and Strike - Soulfly

Photograph - Nickleback

River Below - Billy Talent

Incomplete - Backstreet Boys

Cherub Rock - Smashing Pumpkins

Hollaback Girl - Gwen Stefani

Lyla - Oasis

Drop It Like It's Hot - Snoop Dogg Feat. Pharrell

Fall To Pieces - Velvet Revolver

Ass Like That - Eminem

1985 - Bowling For Soup

My favorite album in 2005 was Life Is Killing Me by Type O Negative.

Top 50 Songs of 2004

2004-12-31T23:59:00.000-04:00

Here is my personal list of favorite tunes from 2004.

This is not a determination of which were the best songs released during the calendar year. I'll leave that rediculous notion up to the Grammy Awards folks. It is simply an ordered list of my favorite songs during the 366 days that were 2004.

The songs on this list could have been released during another year, but had some importance to me in this one.

Art is a subjective thing, and listing one song at #1 it is in no way intended to say that song is better than any other... it is just my personal favorite during this 12 month span of time.

I started making these compilations back in the 80's, and looking at favorites lists from 10 and 20 years ago, I realize how much my tastes have changed.

Here we go...

My Immortal - Evanescense
My Happy Ending - Avril Lavigne
Broken - Seether Featuring Amy Lee
Let's Get it Started - Black Eyed Peas
Hey Ya! - OutKast
Mobile - Avril Lavigne
Don't Tell Me - Avril Lavigne
Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day
Bring Me to Life - Evanescence Featuring Paul McCoy
Get Low - Lil Jon & The Eastside Boyz
Numb - Linkin Park
Over the Hills and Far Away - Led Zeppelin
Tangled up in Me - Skye Sweetnam
Just Because - Jane's Addiction
Shut Up - Black Eyed Peas
The Hardest Button to Button - The White Stripes
Going Under - Evanescence
Take Me Away - Fefe Dobson
Yeah - Usher Featuring Lil Jon and Ludacris
Lose My Breath - Destiny's Child
Leave (Get Out) - Jo Jo
Where Are We Runnin'? - Lenny Kravitz
I Believe in a Thing Called Love - The Darkness
What You Waiting For? - Gwen Stefani
Eight Easy Steps - Alanis Morissette
Breathe - Michelle Branch
Someday - Nickleback
We're All to Blame - Sum 41
None of Your Business - Salt N Pepa
Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson
Just Lose It - Eminem
The Everlasting Gaze - Smashing Pumpkins
Hold On - Good Charlotte
Milkshake - Kelis
Feel - Robbie Williams
Fall to Pieces - Velvet Revolver
Breaking the Habit - Linkin Park
I Can Tell - 504 Boyz Featuring Mercedes
Party For Two - Shania Twain Featuring Mark McGrath
Roses - OutKast
Bad Boy - Keshia Chanté
Stand Up - Ludacris
Come Clean - Hilary Duff
The Reason - Hoobastank
Our Lips are Sealed - Hilary Duff & Hailie Duff
American Idiot - Green Day
Don't Go (Girls & Boys) - Fefe Dobson
La La - Ashlee Simpson
Ignition (Remix) - R. Kelly
Fuck It (I Don't Want You Back) - Eamon

My favorite album of 2004 was...

Evanescence ~ Fallen

2003 Top 50 Songs

2003-12-31T23:58:00.001-04:00

Here is a list of my favorite songs for 2003. It's something i started years ago when I was irritated by a radio list of the top songs that year... and my favorite song never even appeared on the list. Even though it was clearly better than half of the throw-away crap they put on their list that year.

I love playing songs from a specific year... it brings me back to that time in a moment... not all of the songs on the list are necesarily from 2003, but were important to me during the year for one reason or another. Some I like just 'cause they're catchy - sometimes the radio plays a song on such high repetition that even though I hate it... i can't help but start to like it after awhile. I think that's how T.A.T.U. made this year's list. And now, without further ado...

2003 Top 50 Songs

All You Wanted - Michelle Branch
Hell Song - Sum 41
Picture - Kid Rock & Sheryl Crow
I'm With You - Avril Lavigne
Breathe - Swollen Members Featuring Nelly Furtado
It's About Time - Lillix
Billy S. - Skye Sweetnam
Gossip Folks - Missy Elliott Featuring Ludacris
In Da Club - 50 Cent
Bring Me to Life - Evanescence Featuring Paul McCoy
Faint - Linkin Park
Happy Baby - Shaye
The Game of Love - Carlos Santana Featuring Michelle Branch
Another Postcard - Barenaked Ladies
Don't Walk Away Eileen - Sam Roberts
Dilemma - Kelly Rowland Featuring Nelly
Losing Grip - Avril Lavigne
Where is the Love - Black Eyed Peas
Get Busy - Sean Paul
Turn the Page - Metallica
Anthem - Good Charlotte
Honestly - Zwan
Everywhere - Michelle Branch
The Darkest One - The Tragically Hip
Perfect - Simple Plan
My Immortal - Evanescence
Why Don't You and I - Carlos Santana Featuring Chad Kroeger
Here Without You - 3 Doors Down
Because I Got High - Afroman
Someday - Nickleback
19 Somethin' - Mark Wills
Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes
Wilma or a Betty Man - Melanie Doane
Low - Kelly Clarkson
Girls and Boys - Good Charlotte
Now That You Are Leaving - Not by Choice
(There's Gotta Be) More to Life - Stacie Orrico
The Boys of Summer - The Ataris
The Rest of My Life - Sloan
All the Things She Said - T.A.T.U.
Somewhere I Belong - Linkin Park
Life Goes On - LeAnn Rimes
Good Times - finger eleven
Heaven - Live
Feel Good Time - P!nk
It's My Life - No Doubt
Let's Go - Live On Release
Time of Our Lives - David Usher
Save Me - Forty Foot Echo
Up - Shania Twain

My favorite album of the 2003

Avril Lavigne ~ Let Go

2002 Top 50 Songs

2002-12-31T23:59:00.001-04:00

Here is my annual list of favorite songs. Each year I make a note of songs I like, and at the end of it all complile them in a list - number 1 being my favorite, and so on. It's not to say one is better than another, but it's just a personal list. Some songs may be on the list simply because it is associated with a good memory. Some are there because I think they kick ass. Some are just catchy pop songs that the radio played sooo much that I can't help but kinda like it... and associate it strongly with 2002.

2002 Top 50 Songs

By The Way - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Sk8er Boi - Avril Lavigne
Whenever Wherever - Shakira
Don't Walk Away Eileen - Sam Roberts
Sea of No Cares - Great Big Sea
Perfect - Maren Ord
Anti-Pop - Matthew Good Band
In the End - Linkin Park
In Too Deep - Sum 41
Hands Clean - Alanis Morissette
Love at First Sight - Kylie Minogue
Lose Yourself - Eminem
Soak Up the Sun - Sheryl Crow
Don't Let Me Get Me - P!nk
All You Wanted - Michelle Branch
Kryptonite - Five For Fighting
Blurry - Puddle of Mudd
Goodbye Earl - Dixie Chicks
Without Me - Eminem
Just Like a Pill - P!nk
Wherever You Will Go - The Calling
I'd Do Anything - Simple Plan
Escape - Enrique Iglesias
She Hates Me - Puddle of Mudd
Wrapped Up in You - Garth Brooks
Don't Speak - No Doubt
The Other Man - Sloan
Sunshine - Dance Nation
When I See You Smile - Bad English
Clumsy - Our Lady Peace
Before You - Chantal Kreviazuk
Goodbye to You - Michelle Branch
Ordinary Day - Vanessa Carlton
One Last Breath - Creed
Drops of Jupiter - Train
Hot in Herre - Nelly
A New Day Has Come - Celine Dion
Complicated - Avril Lavigne
Dig In - Lenny Kravitz
First Date - Blink 182
A Thousand Miles - Vanessa Carlton
Papa Don't Preach - Kelly Osbourne
Hundred Million - Treble Charger
Still Waiting - Sum 41
Heaven's Coming Down - The Tea Party
Hero - Chad Kroeger Featuring Josey Scott
Too Bad - Nickleback
Love Myself Today - Bif Naked
Can't Get You Out of My Head - Kylie Minogue
Hero - Enrique Iglesias

My Favorite album of 2002 is a compilation album - Big Shiny Tunes 5. The only criteria I have for my personal album of the year, is that I have listened to it from start to finish at least once during the calendar year. Due to lack of funds, I didn't buy many albums this year... so it kinda wins by default. But it's got some kickass songs on it. It was actually released a couple years ago - I think MuchMusic is on Big Shiny tunes 7 now.

2002 Album of the Year

Big Shiny Tunes 5

2001 Top 50 Songs

2001-12-31T23:59:00.001-04:00

Here is my annual list of favorite songs. It's a personal list. If you don't like it, blow me.

How I compile the list - During the year, I make a note of song I like (usually in my journal... on the back pages). I'll typically end up with a list of upwards of 100 in a good year. Then at some point prior to New Years I whittle the list down to around 60 or so... then begin the painstaking process of removing a few more. What I end up with is a list of my personal faves for that calendar year. The songs on the list do not have to be a new release... they could appear on the list because it is the first time I heard an older song, or maybe it just meant something to me this year when it hadn't in the past - i.e. Sammy Hagar's I'll Fall In Love Again was a hit song back in 1982... but it meant nothing to me back then.

Why I compile the list - I was listening to the local radio station on New Years Day, while they played their Top 86 songs of 1986. I waited patiently to hear my favorite song from the Van Halen 5150 album... but it never came. In fact, the number one song completely pissed me off. It was some Lionel Richie song that I just couldn't relate to. After listening to this program and taping the whole thing it occured to me - why am I letting someone else decide what my favorite songs of the year are? I decided to erase the tapes I spent hours making, and make my own top 50 songs.

Since 1986 I have made this list every year. I even went backwards to make my fave lists each year since I started listening to music.

Which is pretty much my whole life.

Without further yanging, here goes...

2001 Top 50 Songs

Everlong - Foo Fighters

Whiskey in the Jar - Metallica

How You Remind Me - Nickleback

Hanging By a Moment - Lifehouse

My Sacrifice - Creed

Warning - Green Day

Life - Our Lady Peace

In the End - Linkin Park

Breathless - The Corrs

Crawling - Linkin Park

Fat Lip / Pain For Pleasure - Sum 41

Promises - Def Leppard

Otherside - Red Hot Chili Peppers

Flavor of the Weak - American Hi-Fi

In Too Deep - Sum 41

Butterfly - Crazytown

Load Me Up - Matthew Good Band

Adam's Song - Blink 182

Control - Puddle of Mudd

I'll Fall in Love Again - Sammy Hagar

One Step Closer - Linkin Park

Forgotten - Linkin Park

Get This Party Started - P!nk

A Place For My Head - Linkin Park

Days of the Week - Stone Temple Pilots

Hero of the Day - Metallica

Here's to the Night - Eve 6

Beautiful Goodbye - Amanda Marshall

Teenage Dirtbag - Wheatus

Smooth Criminal - Alien Ant Farm

It's Been Awhile - Staind

Crazy - Seal

Astounded - Bran Van 3000 Featuring Curtis Mayfield

What a Drag - The Kim Band

Wishing I Was There - Natalie Imbruglia

Purple Pills - D12

I'm Afraid of Britney Spears - LiveonRelease

Jaded - Aerosmith

Points of Authority - Linkin Park

Stay Together For the Kids - Blink 182

Can't Fight the Moonlight - LeAnn Rimes

Sometimes Wanna Die - Joydrop

I Want You - Savage Garden

All I Want - Maren Ord

Hash Pipe - Weezer

Before My Time - Static in Stereo

How Do You Like Me Now? - Toby Keith

I'm Like a Bird - Nelly Furtado

Bootylicious - Destiny's Child

Rock Show - Blink 182

2001 Album of the Year

The Hybrid Theory by Linkin Park was easily my favorite album this year. I bought it on a whim, knowing absolutely nothing about them - I had seen the video for Crawling one time. I was on a piercing kick then - and the girl in the video appealed to me with her lip rings. That was it... but when I actually listened to the entire album I was blown away. There's tons of influence there from hip hop and metal... the fusion is really listenable. It's got an edge I like. They have a cool image and their sound rocks. To me this is a rare find and someday will be viewed as one of the great albums. Or at least it should be.

2000 Top 50 Songs

2000-12-31T23:59:00.001-04:00

My annual list of crap. I am looking at this list a few years later and can't believe that some of this stuff is on here. Ah well... these, for better or worse, are my favorite 50 songs from the year 2000.

Sleepwalker - The Wallflowers
There She Goes - Sixpence None the Richer
Theme from Angel - Darling Violetta
Promise - Eve 6
Everlong - Foo Fighters
My Music at Work - The Tragically Hip
Most Girls - P!nk
American Psycho - Treble Charger
Rock DJ - Robbie Williams
Where Are You Christmas - Faith Hill
Night Fever - Bee Gees
I Can Dream About You - Dan Hartman
Original Prankster - The Offspring
I Hear You Calling - GOB
Don't Go Breaking My Heart - Elton John & Kiki Dee
Again - Lenny Kravitz
The Real Slim Shady - Eminem
God Bless the U. S. A. - Lee Greenwood
It's My Life - Bon Jovi
Olé Olé - 11:30
It's Gonna Be Me - 'NSYNC
Man Overboard - Blink 182
I'm Like a Bird - Nelly Furtado
Stayin' Alive - Bee Gees
Californication - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Superhero - Sky
Theme from Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Nerf Herder
Minority - Green Day
Born Again in Dixie Land - Jason McCoy
Feelin' Alright - Len
Beautiful Day - U2
American Bad Ass - Kid Rock
There You Go - P!nk
I Disappear - Metallica
All the Small Things - Blink 182
Take a Chance on Me - ABBA
Sour Girl - Stone Temple Pilots
Bawitdaba - Kid Rock
Miserable - Lit
Pinch Me - Barenaked Ladies
Who Let the Dogs Out - Baha Men
Bang Bang Boom - The Moffatts
Telling Stories - Tracy Chapman
Stiff Upper Lip - AC/DC
Loser - 3 Doors Down
Cowboy - Kid Rock
Wonderful - Everclear
Alive - Edwin
Dancing Queen - ABBA
Guilty Conscience - Dr. Dre Featuring Eminem

2000 Album of the Year

Kid Rock - Devil Without a Cause